Flightless Bird: Pizza

I'm David Farrier, a New, Zealander, accidentally marooned in America, and I want to figure out what makes this country tick. Growing up in New Zealand, there were a few experiences I remember as a kid that felt just distinctly, incredibly American. And one of those was feasting at the new Pizza Hut that had just opened in town.

Hi David.

Pizza.

I love pizza so much.

I like these food episodes because I think we all have it in common, don't we? Sure. We all have to eat to stay alive.

Or we'll die.

Or we'll die. And some of us take more enjoyment out of food than others. Yes. And some don't. I think I'm at the lower end.

Yeah. And then Rob and I are on the other end of the scale.

Yes. Way. other end of the spectrum.

Yes. Way at the other end. Yes. I remember when we were doing the live shows in Driving Ground, I was driving around with Rob and I'd always try and stop at McDonald's, because I love McDonald's and his disgust was, you could feel it in the car.

He would sneak away sometimes.

Yeah. Well, he needed to get what he wanted and you needed to get what you wanted, and sometimes that's what you have to do. You have to sneak away.

But it was like a crack addict. We'd be like getting gas and he said he'd go to the bathroom and then I'd see him walk out of McDonald's.

I do love McDonald's, though. But it's hard when you go to other cities because you want to get the best of that city's food.

So where does pizza sit for you? as far as foods?

It's top three. So good. I love pizza.

What is it about it? I like that. the form of pizza makes it so easy to eat. It's a slice, can go straight in the mouth. It's also so delicious, and there are so many different forms it comes in.

And I think it's one of those weird magical creations. It's just more than the sum of its parts. It should not be that good. It's dough, it's sauce and cheese. That's it.

You're talking like last meal, death row. Your last meal. you have, most Americans, slice of pizza.

I'm going to say that. It was named the number one comfort food by a wide swath of Americans. See?

Yeah, so it's American. It's American.

It is New Zealand too, yeah?

We have it in New Zealand. We have pizzas. One of my favorite things in the Farrier household, these little frozen pizzas, we'd buy from the supermarket. Right. Put them in a microwave for three minutes.

Now, are you supposed to put them in the oven and you just decided to put them in the microwave?

Uh-huh. Yeah. I was in a rush. I'd be hungry after school, so I'd come back. I'd have Frisky the goat, in tow with me, because I had a pet goat and he'd go to school with me.

No.

Have I not told you about Frisky? No. Why do we keep learning the crazy? ... I love this part of the show.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You've killed animals before.

Yes.

You, David Barrier, has killed animals.

There are two photos that exist in the... Archives? Archive. You know those hunting magazines and you see people standing next to what they've killed? Yeah.

Okay.

One where I'm holding up these two rabbits by the hind legs that I've shot and murdered.

I feel like I'm in a fever dream right now.

I don't think this is real. Talking about it. It's weird. I forget that it ever happened.

Did you drag those dead animals into your tunnel?

No, it wasn't. I would like to say that I didn't take to it. So, I did it because I wanted to be manly and be like my dad and my older brother, Rob, who would use a bow and arrow. He's so masculine, your older brother, Rob. Yeah, he was really masculine and I was not that.

It wasn't for sport. I do think that's better, actually.

It is better. Yeah, they weren't just... So, I'd just like to say that before people turn on my dad. But at one point, I said, I don't want to do this anymore. And so, I stopped.

No, I hate this. I hate this even. Wow.

And there's this tiny little kid there, which is what you call a baby goat.

Also what you call a human.

It is. I just want to... It wasn't a child. Okay. It wasn't a small child.

Did you start crying?

Jumped in front of it and...

Pretty... That's how I imagine it. It definitely didn't happen like that. Yeah.

And I said, did you start crying, which I think is maybe more what happened.

I probably did. Yeah.

Because that's sad.

And my dad's... It's the same. My dad's... He's not a monster. So he's like, yeah, we'll take the goat home.

Morning tea break?

We had a morning tea, lunch and afternoon tea. That's so British. Yeah, it's called morning tea. All these kids just drinking cups of tea.

Wait a minute.

Hold on. Hold on. Okay, how are you dealing with this?

First of all, I think Frisky may have had Stockholm Syndrome. Because, you, quote, rescued Frisky, but also you killed Frisky's mom.

You murdered his mother. I like to think that, I mean, Frisky loved me and I love Frisky. It was such a close relationship. Sure. There's potentially times that Frisky had flashbacks to his mother dying and then sort of me approaching, sort of shoving him in my backpack.

Okay.

And we were so close. Why are we talking about this? Because of the pizzas.

Why the pizzas? The microwave pizzas.

Because after school. Oh, because I'd come home from school with Frisky for a microwave pizza. Back on topic.

Did Frisky ever eat any microwave pizzas?

Absolutely. He'd have a bite of everything. Goats eat everything. Oh, wow. So we had to really keep Frisky in our little paddock.

What a life. Yeah. I wish, if I could go back in time and watch you live as a 10-year-old.

I've had phases.

Yeah.

I guess I had the hardcore Christian phase, I had, like the Frisky phase, the hunting phase, sort of a basketball phase for a while.

Wow.

Yeah.

Tunnel phase.

Tunnel?

Yeah.

But I wasn't in the tunnel with dead animals, for the record. Just let's make that clear. I was in tunnel phase and hunting phase.

Okay.

Anyway.

Wow.

I'm so happy we stumbled upon that. That was magic. That was gold. Thank you.

We probably ate Frisky's mom, because we killed. We probably would have.

No. David, we would have.

Did Frisky eat? No.

You fed the mom to the son?

No, no, no. Absolutely no. I'm not a sicko.

Okay. Sometimes I wonder.

So, we all ate pizza. And the three of us, we went on an adventure, didn't we? And I had my dictaphone with me. This is what happened as we journeyed into the world of pizza. I'm going to be honest.

First time. Never heard of it. I'll explain it. No, of course I love pizza, it's my favorite food. It's my island food, if I could have one food on a deserted island.

We're in West Hollywood, which is where a lot of the actor-y types in LA seem to live. We drove past Quentin Tarantino's theatre to get here. Where is here? What is here? I have the same questions.

Hello.

Well, Rob knew I liked Pizza Hut, and so he's taken me and Monica to this house. that's had its innards transformed into an 80s restaurant chain. Inside it's 80s and 90s memorabilia from places like Pizza Hut and McDonald's. There's a big purple grimace staring at me right now in the corner. Tonight, a chef is reimagining the Pizza Hut pizza experience with his own Hollywood flavors.

Mine's pepperoni.

One of my favorite things about Rob is he has a cheeky story for any occasion. Tonight, some family trauma related to Pizza Hut.

So when we were kids, we went with my family, and my brother unscrewed the red pepper at the table. He thought it would be funny, that it would be a prank. And I would do it occasionally, but he had done it this time. And my dad went to put it on his pizza, and it spilled all over it.

Classic.

He got mad and walked home. Blame me for it.

Rob, get over it. Move on. Now. Rob sees himself as the foodie of the group, and starts prattling on about different types of American pizza, riffing on the Chicago stuff that I'm yet to taste.

Detroit does like a similar deep pan style, but it's cheese on top, but a little saucier, I think, and a little thicker crust.

It's not really pizza, is it? It's like too much filling. It's like sloppy. It's like lasagna.

It's still pizza. It's still pizza. It's lasagna.

It's like a sloppy mess, though, isn't it?

You eat it with a knife and a fork, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's pizza.

Tonight's pizza is Pizza Hut, but upgraded. The three of us are slumped into a corner as our pizza arrives.

Pepperoni, red pepper and mushroom, and then, what is this, onion, green pepper, is that pineapple and sausage?

I think we can all agree that pineapple is the best part of any pizza. Pizza Hut New Zealand had a big thing, which they probably did here as well, where they really got into doing stuffed crust pizzas.

I wondered if that was going to be here.

That was my favorite part about Pizza Hut, was the stuffed crust pizza.

I did a Pizza Hut commercial. I don't expect anyone to remember that, but I did a Pizza Hut commercial, and it was for, they had a crust, a stuffed crust, but they were bites. Does anyone remember that?

We don't, but suddenly I spot the chef tonight, Tim Hollingsworth. So Pizza Hut, for me, there's this nostalgic memory of when I was five years old. I was in Texas, in Houston, at a Pizza Hut, and there was a flash flood, so I was hanging out there for probably five hours, so that nostalgic memory of that buttery crust and thinking about that taste as a kid, that's probably my first food memory, is Pizza Hut. What does it take to make a good pizza, in your mind? I mean, I think pizza's one of those things where there's a lot of different types of pizza, but it's going to start with really, really good bread, and for me, this pizza is that nostalgic, buttery, squishy crust with that caramelized outside.

Okay, so this is a very controversial thing.

There's people that absolutely are like, diehard, do not put ranch on your pizza. I am not that person. I am a diehard, put ranch on every single bite of your pizza. I slopped some ranch onto my pizza, probably too much ranch. Americans love their condiments, and, case in point, Rob.

Typically, there's three blends of shakers that you're putting on. You've got Parmesan cheese, oregano, and then crushed breads, which will make it spicy.

We're getting full, and the pizza sweats are coming on. Monica's having a bad pizza trip, dough deep in her belly, as she ruminates on pizza nights of yore.

So, maybe, God, I'm scared to say in high school, it was Friday night, I really wanted pizza. I demanded from my parents that we have pizza that night, and they decided to get, I don't know, healthy or something? I don't know. They said no.

No, Monica. You can't have pizza.

You're not ordering pizza tonight. Yes, we are. I want that. I need it.

It's Friday.

What else? Why? I couldn't understand, because they wouldn't tell me why. They just kept saying no, and I threw the biggest tantrum. I can remember that it was so outsized and outrageous.

You just wanted pizza.

So bad.

I think I was malnourished. You're like, mommy, daddy, pizza now. I was too old to call them mommy and daddy.

Mother, father, buy me some fucking pizza.

Did it work?

No.

Tonight is the opposite. Too much pizza. And while it's delicious, it's also completely ridiculous. We're here in LA, in someone's house that's been converted to look like a Pizza Hut, eating schmoozy upmarket pizza. that's riffing on what Pizza Hut does.

Yeah, thank you, Rob. That was a really fun outing for us.

It was good. But look, I was thinking afterwards, it was a great time, but it was crazy. It's riffing on Pizza Hut. I imagine tickets weren't cheap to get in there. It wasn't like a $4 slice.

That's okay.

And I have eaten two pieces. Okay, great, great. But it is fresh.

Wow.

It's stuffed crust. And this is my favorite. It's not stuffed crust, but it's Hawaiian. It's my favorite pizza.

This is your fave.

And it's just very simple. It's got the sauce and the, what else goes on? pizza, cheese, ham, and pineapple. It'll be a little bit cold.

That's fine. You're a no on it?

You have to, Rob.

You have to.

I don't do pineapple pizza.

You're doing it today.

Just have one bite. Just the tip. Just put the tip in your mouth.

Don't tell me to put the tip in my mouth.

Okay, we're all going to take bites together. I've never had this either.

This is a very special.

It's pretty cold.

Just the basic key flavors that you need.

I don't mind cold pizza, though. That's also a thing. People eat cold pizza.

I think next day pizza is the best kind. Getting that pizza out of the fridge.

Not heating it.

Not heating it. Keep it cold. It does something interesting to the cheese, which I really like, but I thought we had this fancy pants Pizza Hut pizza. I thought we've got to just have some regular old Pizza Hut, because I think a lot of people think Pizza Hut shut down. I think we thought it shut down.

I thought it did. Yeah.

In New Zealand, there was a big deal because when the final Pizza Hut restaurant shut, but they keep the takeouts open so you can still get Pizza Hut and I would argue, it's still good.

Listen, I think it's similar to what we had. I mean, we didn't have this kind, you know, but that's why it was good.

It was just like doughy and salty.

He like, intentionally tries to take flavors from this, but what was the meat?

Wagyu or something.

Yeah. He put some fancy steak on it.

Yeah, exactly.

Fancy steak. And I think that's the difference. I think because for you, Rob, that would be, I sometimes feel like I'm missing out on the meaning of it all. You would have taken more appreciation, whereas I feel like I'm so simple. I have like a slice of regular old Pizza Hut and I sort of get the same level of joy.

This is a medium crust.

This is medium. Okay. This is medium.

The one we had at Chain was a pan pizza, and so pan pizzas are thick.

That was thick bread.

Huge thick bread, but that is the bread at Pizza Hut. My favorite chain is by far Domino's.

Mine's Papa John's.

Oh, I do have a lot of good Papa John's memories.

I'll still click in if I'm watching like a football game. If I'm watching sports, I will crave Papa John's and just order it and eat like a slice and throw the rest of it away.

We used to have in college, Papa John's had college night or whatever, and it was Thursday night and you could get a large pizza for like $1.. Not really, but basically.

Yeah. I do like it, but those specials you get with pizza are crazy sometimes.

Little Caesars. There was a Little Caesars that was down the street from me growing up. So you'd have the $5 pizza and the crazy bread.

I've had that with you, Rob.

Yeah, the crazy bread.

You got that with me last year. We got that before and that was good. You got it here? Yeah.

I think it was like going to Utah or something.

We got crazy bread. It was good. Boy's trip. Me and Rob are always cruising around America. You are.

It's so good. It's so, so good. But we were wondering if they were connected somehow, because the whole thing is, the guy on the machine is Australian and Dax always does that.

I think they're all connected. And yeah, always controversial marketing plans. I said in New Zealand, there was a lot of controversy when a Hell Pizza opened up in the town of Bethlehem.

Oh.

That was a big deal, because they thought the Satanists had come and Hell was just like, we're just pizza.

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Yeah, we'll discuss.

Did anyone order me plain cheese?

Oh yeah, we did. But if you want any, somebody's going to have to barf it all up. I've seen enough movies to know that America is where you go to get pizza. And often, I'm thinking Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, John Travolta and Saturday Night Fever. It's New York pizza all the way.

I'm a pizza maker here at Paulie G's Pizzeria in Brooklyn.

I'd randomly just wandered into Paulie G's about two minutes ago because it smelled really good. I told him the spiel. New Zealander, stranded in America, started a podcast, and he's into it. I associate New York with pizza. As far as America goes, is New York the place where you should come for good pizza?

No, we definitely do it. the best. It's New York. There's a huge culture around it. You see a slice shop on every single corner, whether it's Dollar Slice or a more premium product like ours.

What is this pizza joint best known for?

We're best known for our Hellboy Slice, which is a slice of pepperoni drizzled with Mike's Hot Honey, which is a chili infused honey. It's not too spicy, but very good. We're the first ones to do it.

I have a Hellboy Slice right in front of me. I'm salivating. Genuinely. 2pm, with a mouthful of saliva slopping around. Optimal time to eat a slice of your pizza?

Anytime. Anytime. Yeah. I mean, I had one for breakfast this morning, and, you know, I worked last night and I had one before I left as well. So no.

Right now in front of me, I have a plain cheese slice and that Hellboy Slice, which is square shaped.

What the Hellboy Square is, is a Sicilian style slice. So it's a thicker rectangle. It's actually a square slice. We've got sesame seeds on the bottom and then it's an upside down slice, almost like a grandma slice. So it's cheese, sauce, and then we put the pepperoni on top and then, once it comes out of the oven, it's drizzled with Mike's Hot Honey.

With so many pizza places in America, and so many here in New York, Kyle tells me that it helps for each pizzeria to set itself apart somehow.

Every pizzeria is a little bit different. I think what makes ours different is, one, the water content. If you're going to get geeky and get into the dough stuff, but the water content obviously makes it different. One of the easiest things to compare it to is, think about whiskey. Bourbon has to be made in America, but it doesn't have to come from Kentucky.

And there's another subtle difference in the pizza I'm eating right now. And if Kyle hadn't told me, I wouldn't have noticed. This pizza stuff is complicated.

Basically, it's a Sicilian-style slice, but we use sesame seeds underneath on the crust, which is something pretty unique. I feel like it's a little bit heavier, while it's a nice, fluffy, light dough.

What's the importance of dough versus toppings? How does that work?

Oh, I think they're both just as important. You can kind of cover up not as good dough by using better ingredients, but the two need to be married together in order to make the perfect slice.

I've seen a lot of people sort of folding their triangular pizza and then shoving it in their mouth. Is that something you're meant to do?

I think so. It's just an easier way to eat it. And you should have some flop at the end, too. When you fold it in half, you should flop a little bit at the end. Look, the way you burn.

I've done that many, many times. I'm incredibly greedy. What mistakes do people make when they're making pizza? If I'm making them at a friend's place, sometimes you can go overboard on the toppings, right? And the whole thing just becomes like a soggy mess.

Yeah, that's a big one. Definitely too much. The other thing is, if the oven's not hot enough, you're never going to really get a crust on the bottom.

I feel like I could quiz him all day about Sicilian pizza, but it was time to get back to work. As in, go somewhere else and eat more pizza. But one final, important question. Thoughts on pineapple, on pizza?

We debate this all the time in the slice shop. I personally think it's pretty good. Is it?

That's the correct answer.

Look, it's personal preference. We have a lot of great vegan slices. I don't eat vegan. So to me, it's personal preference, but as far as traditional toppings go, it's probably not considered one.

I think it's fair to say that Paulie G's Slice Shop was a mid-priced pizza option, between $4 and $5 a slice. It wasn't the influencer pizza I'd had in LA, but it also wasn't the Greasy Dollar Slice. I needed a Greasy Dollar Slice. So I head to Joe's, which has a few locations now in Brooklyn and Manhattan. Joe's is well known here.

My name's Tony Corzentino. Joe's Pizza was started by Josephino. He just passed away this year, but he was the founder and the owner of Joe's. And started in 1975 in this store, which is in Greenwich Village. It's on Bleeker Street, and they just moved down the street here to this location.

Joe's is now run by Joseph's Grandkids.

It's all the goodwill of Josephino, man. He was one of the best pizza guys ever in New York. We all learned from the traditions that he created, and we kept it real for all these years. So we haven't really diverted much from the original plans at all. I can remember coming in as a kid, when I was like 12 years old, and it's the same exact thing now.

What defines Joe's?

So what defines Joe's is the quality. Perfect thin slice with the perfect crust, excellent sauce-to-cheese ratio.

It's amazing.

You can see how, like, the sauce bleeds through just slightly, and, you know, our fresh mozzarella pie. We use all the best and fresh ingredients. We make all our dough fresh in the morning. We even season our vegetables. We cook our spinach in the morning.

Yeah. Amazing.

The flavor's amazing. The flavor's impeccable.

Impeccable. I'm full from the two bits of pizza I've already had today, but I get the cheese slice. There's always room for cheese. The guy next to me, Brandon, has two slices on his paper plate. He's a regular here.

Pretty much, yeah.

It fills you up for the rest of the day. For pizza, too, it's like I really don't judge on it. Even pizza that's like a dollar is even good. But it's been getting pricier lately over here. I've noticed this.

Pretty much what's going down, yeah. The more people come in, the more everything gets costly.

How long have you been in New York for? Oh, since I was born, 26 years. Do you ever leave? Probably not. Usually, when you're here, you usually get stuck here.

New York is neighborhoods. The neighborhoods have such a rich history to it. It's such diversity in New York. I think we get a lot of electricity from that, a lot of energy from that. It's so amazing.

Okay. So, I've had my $5 slice at Paulie G's and my $3.75 slice from Joe's. My final New York pizza destination sees me at a more upmarket pizza spot.

My name is Mike Fatum. I have two pizza shops in Brooklyn, New York.

Two seems greedy. Why have you got two?

Well, it's a big city, and I think what we do is a little unique in a pizza world, so I thought it'd be cool to do one wood-fired pizzeria in a really inconvenient place, really tiny, and one deck oven, like New York-style pizza, in a very populated, very convenient location.

Right now, I'm at The Ladder, at Mike's Place, Ops in Brooklyn. They have a fancy natural wine selection here, and it feels more restaurant than pizzeria. Someone completely ignorant to pizza, what does set your pizza apart from the other pizza in the city?

Well, yeah. So, it's sourdough, and it's a pretty long fermentation, and it never sees refrigeration.

Ops prides itself in knowing where all its ingredients come from, from places like Utah and Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and upstate New York. The pizza from the flour up is all organic. They're texting the farmers directly each week. It's all very farm-to-table, a term American foodies love using.

Because of the way the fermentation we do, it's super digestible. I had a guy in here last night, he was like, I've just had like over a whole pizza myself, and I don't feel full. I think another interesting thing about New York and why pizza is such a big deal here is, I think New Yorkers are like really particular about prices of food. Everything's available all day, every day, and it's like available in every corner. You can get anything.

I guess it's time to eat more pizza. Mike has a suggestion, his favorite here.

I would always go with the Cicero, which is this onion pizza. that's surprising and really satisfying.

He says I can come back into the kitchen while he makes it, so I follow him there where he grabs a ball of dough that's been fermenting away.

And so now, what I need to do is make it the size of a pizza, so I have to stretch it. We kind of do it carefully because we want to like maintain all that nice air and strength we built all day.

Dough stretched, it's topping time.

So this is the Cicero, this is kind of like, I don't know, I think this is like the most unique pizza we do. Sun-dried tomatoes that are like marinated in this, like kind of like vinegar, olive oil. Wild oregano from Sicily.

He does some other magic, throws some other stuff on, stretches the dough out a bit more, then it's in the oven. The dough's stretched so thin it cooks pretty fast in a giant pizza oven. How long does this stay in here for?

About two minutes, a little over two minutes.

So quick. Yeah.

It took a little longer than most Neapolitan pizzas get cooked, because in Naples people eat with their fork and knife, and in New York people eat with their hands.

Two minutes is up, the pizza is out.

We add a little finishing touches, it's kind of another specialty of ours, it's how we finish things. I did a little bit of lemon, a little bit of black pepper, and I'll do a little bit of olive oil, like fresh oil, just to kind of give it a little pop.

How quickly should you eat it after it's come out of the oven? Pretty fast.

This style of pizza, it deteriorates really quickly.

I grabbed my pizza and shoved a slice into my mouth before it even had a chance to deteriorate. I wasn't here to muck around. This is fantastic. Start fermenting. Those onions.

Support local. Go try every new spot. You don't know if it's good. Don't listen to the reviews. Go, try it yourself.

Shop with your dollars. I ate a lot of pizza.

I'm really jealous.

It was a really good day, just traipsing around. I had no idea that water content was such an important part of the dough. You gotta have a bit of flop. at the end. I learned that.

Well, are pizza sweats a thing in New Zealand? That's not a thing. here. No one says pizza sweats. You say meat sweats?

Pizza sweats. Pizza sweats. They're a cousin of the meat sweats.

Is that a New Zealand thing?

Or a David thing? It's a David thing. But it's like too much of anything, and you're sweating it out. I feel like when I had too many Philly cheesesteak sandwiches, it was like the Philly cheesesteak sweats.

That's like, that would be meat sweats, for sure.

That would be meat sweats. Horrible. You know. when you wake up and you're just drenched? It's such a shock.

Such a shock.

You're like, what the? Oh, I'm just been here sweating for hours, and my body's woken me up because it's so disgusting. Oh my God. That's what it was like.

We could literally do a year on pizza, so there's just absolutely no way we can touch it all. But even just within New York, there are fancier ones.

I mean, Ops was the fanciest. I did. That was like a sit-down, they really made sure it was organic and fancy pants. That felt pretty fancy.

Wait, how much was that?

20-ish dollars, that kind of thing. You know, you get your orange wine and all that kind of thing, it was perfect for me. So I love that. I also, I didn't include it in the doc, but I had one of those cheesy slices just from little stands that you get when you're out, so many of those. You did, okay.

I kind of feel that way too, I don't think I've ever had a absolutely disgusting piece of pizza.

Yeah, so I can't do this.

Because I normally go plain cheese, that's my go-to, so it's really hard to seriously fuck up, but if it's good, it's another level, it's cosmic.

Have you had New Haven style pizza?

What is that like?

It's like New York, but they cook it at a higher temperature.

So is it crispier?

New Haven usually has a slightly charred crust, it's so good, I like it better than New York pizza.

But what's the difference? So many types of pizza.

Well, and then in Naples, I mean, Naples, the mother of pizza. What a place. I've never been, I really want to go for the pizza.

So New Haven style pizza is made using a coal-fired oven, and the dough ferments longer than New York style, so it makes it both a crispier crust and tastier.

Is it thin?

It's thin, yeah.

I had another experience when I was in Times Square, because I thought you have to go to Times Square in New York, and I went to somewhere I'd always wanted to go, which was the M&M's store.

Oh, my god, David, you are such a kid.

I was full of pizza, and I went to the M&M's store. I wish Frisky was still here, he died. Old age. I went to the M&M's store, they've got the big tubes of M&M's, and you can get a bag, and you can get as many as you want of any M&M's. And I pulled on the little handle to let the M&M's out.

Ew, I hope not, that's disgusting.

And the staff member yelled at me, and got me in trouble, and I went bright red. I felt like I was eight again, and I was like, it's not my fault if I'm too strong, they shouldn't come out that fast.

I don't think they're used to adults using the handles.

It just made me feel, you know when you get told off by someone in a store, and you feel like a child again, that's how I felt.

Yeah, well, you probably felt like they were abusing their power or something.

I just felt sad. Anyway, they were good, I had so many different flavors.

I wonder if me and you had gone together on this pizza trip, it would have been so different, I think.

Do you think, would you have wanted to go to Times Square to see all the lights?

If you went with anyone.

No, because some people are more, I think, in a positive way, they're more chill. I am very strict on vacations. If you said, I want to go to the M&M's store, I'd say no, like my parents said. no to me with the pizza.

Do you know what it is? Have you been? Of course, everyone's seen. Yeah, everyone knows. You can get every kind of M&M in the one place.

Why don't you just go to the grocery store and buy the M&M's?

There's so many more flavors.

What kind?

What's your favorite? I got one that was like a peanut butter.

They have that.

Do they?

They have peanut butter, M&M's, that's red. Everyone, ugh.

There were so many flavors.

Listen, have you been to Roberta's?

No.

Roberta's is now here, but I think it was in New York. It just moved here. It's very good pizza. They have one called the Bee Sting or something.

Sounds scary.

It has a hot honey on it. It is really good. You'd like it, Rob. I don't know about you, David.

The hot honey is a good idea. Also, speaking of bee stings, have you noticed how, as an adult, you never get stung by a bee? When you're a kid, you're always getting stung by bees as an adult.

I've never gotten stung by a bee.

In your life? Oh, wow.

I always am afraid I'm like the kid in, what's that movie, Macaulay Culkin? Oh, yeah.

My Girl.

My Girl. I don't know. I'm allergic.

It's all over. Yeah, it's so weird, the bee sting.

The last time I got stung, I was in college.

That's kind of old. That's sort of an adult. What was happening? Just running around on bare feet? What happened?

We were tailgating and I got stung. Oh, actually, my best friend Callie got stung last year at a tailgate. as an adult. The bees know where to go. It's like when everyone's drunk and free.

I had a friend that got stung while we were camping. He had a beer and it went into his ear and he drank and it stung him on the lip. Wow.

So apparently it happens a lot.

I had a friend that got stung on like, not the eyeball, but the eyelid, and it just went.

crazy. Well, they're also all dying, so maybe that's all that's happening is that the bees are all dead.

Which is awful, because they're the ones that keep the planet running.

Yeah, they sure do.

So we've decided that this pizza hut was, the Hawaiian was okay?

The Hawaiian was definitely okay. We already got Rob's topping, that's pepperoni. I'm normally cheese or sometimes I'll go onion, mushroom, pepper, bell pepper.

Tri-tip steak.

With tri-tip steak, exactly.

And I'm the old ham and pineapple.

You're ham and pineapple.

Yeah, we're all different. It says something about us. We've all got different things we like, but, and yet we can all come together and agree that the pizza is good.

Do you think pineapple and ham was invented in New Zealand? I could kind of see that actually.

I wish it was. I'd like to take credit. It wasn't. It is a popular topping in New Zealand.

I think it's Hawaiian.

It's called the Hawaiian.

Yeah, I imagine it was invented in Hawaii, but we have a lot of it in New Zealand. Maybe because we're also a small island. I don't know.

It was created in Canada.

Yeah. What?

By a Greek immigrant called Sam Panopoulos.

That adds up. There's no way a Hawaiian made it and then called it a Hawaiian pizza. That's so obvious.

It's so true. God, the origins of things, you never know, do you?

You never know. Well, this was delicious. Pizza. And I bet everyone who listened is ordering pizza tonight.

I hope they are. And you know, whatever pizza you're into, that's okay. If people tease you for liking one sort of pizza, I'm just trying to take a lesson from this.

If someone teases you for going to the M&M store, they should be teasing you because you're an adult.

And if you don't want to shoot animals, but you don't want to bond with your father, just say, dad, I'm sick of killing, let the animal live.

And on that note.

Bye. Bye.

Bye.