Spatchcocking

Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcocoa.com. slash call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Hi Florencia, welcome to Conan. O'Brien needs a fan.

Hi hey Florencia, how are you?

I'm doing great, so happy to be here.

Well, it's nice to meet you and I think you're, uh, where are you right now in the world?

I'm in Mar del Plata, it's a city, a beach city south of Buenos Aires.

Ah, so you're in Argentina?

Argentina Yeah, that's of course.

Okay, all right. well, I'm sorry, I guess I'm a fool, but I needed to identify you. No, no, no.

Yeah, please.

So you're in Argentina? Hi, Conan.

Hi hi.

Congrats on the World Cup.

Yeah, yeah, that's exciting, that's exciting. Have you bumped into Messi since the World Cup? Have you seen him around?

I wish, I wish, I wish. No, no. He's being guarded inside, you know, because everybody wants a bit of him.

Trust me, Florencia, I know what it's like.

It's not true.

Anyway, very, very different.

Very different, so many people.

We can edit those comments out, I'm sure.

Aren't on board.

So, Florencia, tell us about yourself. What do you do?

Well, nowadays I'm a yoga guide, I guide people into yoga.

Oh.

And I don't like to say I teach because it's pretentious, but because I guide them, I help them, and that's my actual job. And before, I was a lawyer for almost 30 years.

Oh, did you like being a lawyer?

No.

No, that was the best no I've heard in my lifetime. You didn't like being a lawyer. Why did you do it?

No, because I was young and I was the eldest daughter and I wanted to impress everybody. I was a really good student, I went to university and I got good grades and I got, you know.

You were a victim of your success, you felt this is the next step. I must now be a lawyer. And you stuck with it for a long time, 30 years.

Yeah, but I had a lot of crying in the bathrooms, you know, a lot of....

No, that's too bad.

There's a lot of that here, yeah.

Yeah, I've been there, basically, that's every career. When I was doing the talk show, I would often say, we'll take a break, we'll be right back. And I would just go and cry in the bathroom and then come back and continue my conversation with Tom Arnold. Yeah, yeah.

The money was good.

You know, that's tempting, that's your, you know, your bargain. The money keeps you....

Money keeps you going, yep.

Yeah.

And it.

Yeah, thank you.

Yeah, I like my glasses, you have good style and look at your arms, you have great...

If we did this, you'd get on us about talking about visual things on the podcast. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

You're not even describing it. I know she's got these beautiful black modern glasses.

SONA I'm, you know, I have my flaws, but I one of them is is not that I don't own up my mistakes. Oh, Jesus, I think there were nine negatives to that sentence.

Even you couldn't get through that.

What a Gordian knot.

Yes, definitely, I could, because, you know, I think what yoga has is this aura of this, you know, sanctimonious rules. And you know, you have to wear white and you have to be calm. And in the yoga I make, I learn in the United States, it's very accidental. We play rock and pop music and we don't call Sanskrit names the poses, so it's kind of, yeah, it's fun.

Could I wear a business suit while I do my yoga? Would that be okay with you? I don't know if I wore, I mean, a full on Brooks Brothers suit and tie and black shoes.

We have a Harry Styles accident. Maybe you open your crotch during your summer extension or something like that.

I think people get excited when Harry Styles Crotch accidentally opens, and when I, yeah, when I. When that happens to me. People act like there's been a, you know, a hazardous waste bill and they cordon off the area.

That happened to you once, and I got a Civic alert on my phone.

Yeah, it's not good. No, I'd like to learn more about yoga. Do you think I have a good body for yoga? From what you've seen, are you familiar with just the podcast or have you seen any of my television work?

I'm a fan of yours since the end of the 90s.

Oh wow, okay, well, I started in the early 90s. Oh, come on, I guess there was a couple of years there when you were into it.

She lives in Argentina.

Okay, so how did you come to know the show?

I traveled to the U.

What, what is that? What does that mean? Yeah, you know.

It doesn't play here in Argentina, so I went to the interwebs and obtained the episodes.

You pirated my TV show.

We got you, this is a steam operation, we got you, we got you now.

That's the only reason I'm talking to you is. We got a red alert coming from a province in Argentina that someone was watching the old show. Oh so, you would? You pirated the TV show? But I don't care, I'm glad you were just watching. And as long as you pay me what you owe me, we're good, yeah.

But you have to look at it like this. I love the show and you enough to commit a felony, yes.

And she was a lawyer. Yeah, yeah.

You could have gotten disbarred.

Right, in fact, I think you subconsciously wanted to get disbarred so you could start your yoga career. Wow, well, I'm very happy that you watched those old shows and that they brought you some joy. That's why we did them.

And I also went to see you in person once in Burbank.

Oh, and how was it?

And it was amazing.

Christoph Waltz was the guest.

Oh, I love Christoph Waltz, yeah, he's terrific.

Yeah, he had recently won an Oscar, so it was a big night and I was happy to meet, to know everybody. I think Sona gave me the ticket, something like that, oh, wow.

So you even got to know, Sona, did you enjoy? When I walked out and you saw me in person? You'd only seen me on TV before, but when you saw me in person, what did you think?

He's so tall.

Yes.

What did you want her to say?

Yeah, what did you want? I wanted you to say that. There was a light coming from his face that felt like Christ had come back to earth. So you noticed that I was tall.

Yeah, yeah, that's very impressive to me. I'm tall too, so that's really impressive to me. If you were short, that would have been something like, Oh my god, he's a key chain.

Yeah, I'm going to tell you something, a lot of comedians in my business are very short. I'm the tall one, so just keep that in mind.

Why should she keep that in mind?

I just don't like anybody else, just stay focused on Conan, he's the tall one.

What?

Yeah.

You want her to just remember you're tall so she can continue liking you.

Everything you just said makes perfect sense to me.

Oh man.

If I came to visit you, Florencia, what's the name of your city? again, your town?

Mar del plata.

Okay, I can't.

That means sea of silver.

Mar del plata.

Yeah.

If I came to Mar del Plata, Argentina, what would we do? How would you entertain me?

You're in California, so I guess my city wouldn't be so amazing to you, because our beaches are pretty much like the beaches in California.

I wouldn't know. I've never been to the beach in California, I've seen postcards, but I refuse to leave my house most of the time. I'm scared of the sun.

So I would take you to the beach with an umbrella, taking care of your skin. Because here, the sun is really killer. As it's a killer. Because we are closer to a hole in the I don't know what. And then I would-.

Well, you've done your homework.

I would take you to see the whales in Patagonia.

Oh, wow.

And also you have definitely have to see the glaciers.

Oh, the glaciers, I hope they're still there. I mean, everyone's talking about global warming.

You got to pick it up because they are melting, definitely, they're melting.

Oh, so, for fun, we're going to go look at a melting glacier.

Yeah, no, but I was telling the other guy, the clueless gamer, the other clueless gamer.

Aaron Aaron Yes, yes.

Aaron Aaron, Before I went to see the glacier, I was so dismissive. Oh, that's a piece of ice, I don't know.

I would like to see that, I would like to see that glacier.

Yeah, definitely, definitely, definitely. But you know, sometimes you have this pressure that you say, Oh, I know, I don't care.

I will, I will have Argentinian wine. What about the steak? Let's talk about the steak, yeah.

Here we. It's not only the steak, but, you know, you can see that. Like half a cow, they open the cow in the middle like this, what? And they put them on a steak close to the fire, and they roast the whole cow together.

They just you're basically saying they break a cow in half and roast the whole thing so that you can see the insides cooking.

Mm. hmm. oh yeah.

Maybe the inside, they put it on the side, but yeah, you can see the shape of the.

No, I was thinking the same thing. This very much sounds like silence of the lambs. You know that it sounds like the cow is ritualistically butchered and murdered and then split in half. That sounds kind of ghoulish.

Yeah, yeah, it's not for the weak of heart. Because you can definitely see the shape of the cow. Like steak there close to the fire, it can take like 12 hours to fully roast the cow. But they say, it's amazing, I don't eat meat, but yeah, they say it's really something.

I think I know why, I think, I know why you don't eat meat, I think you don't eat meat. Because when you were little, they kept breaking cows in half right in front of you and roasting them for 12 hours. All that those innards sizzling and dripping out, it's, yeah, I'd be a vegetarian.

No, I like it, I'm in, it's like spatchcocking a chicken.

What'd you say to me? Yeah, what'd you say to him?

It's like spatchcocking a chicken, you just split it open.

Oh, jeez.

What's spatchcocking?

Spatchcocking.

I actually have heard of spatchcocking.

You have never heard of spatchcocking a chicken, yeah?

Okay, I have, don't get mad at me, oh my god.

I'm sorry, I apologize, Florencia. Here you are talking to us from so many thousands of miles away. And we're getting into ways to prepare a chicken slash, a sexual maneuver that was popular in the late 70s.

What do you think spatchcocking is?

Trust me, I did some spatchcocking back in the day.

Florencia.

I think we'd have a good time. I'm going to have some steak, Sona settle down.

How tall are you, Florencia?

Five, eight.

That's pretty tall, yeah.

Can you teach Conan yoga if he ever comes to visit? because I would love to see Conan try to do yoga? Yeah, definitely.

I would really, I love to teach people who think they're not good or they are not flexible.

Well, wait a minute. Why would you assume that I wouldn't be flexible?

Because you always say that, that you are like, too tall and too, you know, your legs are too long.

I love when you describe me and I you you flail around.

It's like you do a double Dutch jump rope.

It's, uh, uh. Well, your assumption may be correct. I may be rather inflexible, but I think with your help with your new approach to yoga, I agree with you. I don't like all that. Let's light a candle, let's listen to some calming music.

Thank you, I would really love to visit you again in California and see you guys in person. Even though I'm really happy to have this machinery to to meet all the gang. I listen to the podcast all the time and it really helped me through the pandemic.

Oh, good, good, I'm glad. I'm so glad we. We love doing it.

And that's how I think. The the hour long format is really is really amazing, because even if I like the the shorter interviews, having time to talk to a person is is really, really instructive. And I got to know so many great people and I also love your wife's podcast. Oh, great.

Oh yeah, oh wow, she's, I mean, she's my better half in every way. My wife is, so she works really hard. She's such a good writer and she's got a much better broadcasting voice than I do.

Significant others.

Yeah, Significant Others is her podcast.

Available on all podcast platforms.

Yep, amazing, and she is...

Amazing idea and amazing execution is great.

Well, I'm going to tell her that, and I'm going to play her this actually because I want her to hear it. I'm very proud of her. I married up, as they say, above my station.

As you should.

Take it easy. Hey Florencia, yeah, what do you mean? you sure did.

I would like to guide you through both tasks.

Yes.

Bye bye guys, bye-bye.

Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien. Sonam Ovsessian and Matt Gourley produced by Me, Matt Gourley executive produced by Adam Sachs, Joanna Soloterov and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson at Earwolf. Music by Jimmy Vivino.

Thank you.