#2017 - Bryan Callen
2023-08-04 03:10:51
The official podcast of comedian Joe Rogan.
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Oh, hi there.
Yeah, we're talking about stem cells. Yeah, huge believer. Ways to. well, I go to them in town, they fixed everything. Every time I have, like, an injury, I get stem cells on it.
How many times have you gotten stem cells?
Gang of times. Really? Yeah, dozens.
And you swear by it?
Oh, yeah, 100%. Everybody does. All the elite athletes, I know, all the jiu-jitsu guys, Gordon Ryan. Gordon Ryan had something wrong with his shoulder. He got shot into his shoulder and it fixed his neck.
Really? Yeah, he had a problem with his neck for over a year. And it went away after putting stem cells in his shoulder. They literally find where the injuries are. Yeah.
And it gravitates towards them and helps you heal.
That's wild.
Yeah, between that and BPC-157,, which is a body-protecting compound, I think it's called, it's a peptide.
Body-protecting compound sounds like a complete marketing thing.
It does.
This is a body-protecting compound. It's like human armor. Inner armor. Yeah. It's an exoskeleton.
Just take it. Don't ask questions.
It's made out of spider skin.
Yeah. The problem is, I don't know, like, I told you, I called you. I call you up and I'm like, dude, supplements work. Duh. You're like, hey, fuck-o.
I've been saying that since I was 35..
Yeah, you fell into this, all you need is a good diet thing. Because they'll teach you that.
Well, I talk to doctors. When I did my podcast, I had guys who were like, no, I don't do it. People who worked at Harvard, I was like, do you take supplements? I don't. But then you look at them and you're like, well, but you don't do any sports.
You've got to talk to a doctor that's jacked, like Huberman. Yeah, Jack Scientist. Talk to that guy, Jack Scientist.
Lane Norton.
Yeah, Lane Norton.
Andy Galpin.
Andy Galpin.
Dan Garner, all those guys.
Yeah, scientists that are fit. Yeah. Talk to those guys. They'll all tell you supplements are valuable. Yes.
Well, I had them look under my hood, that rapid health at Dan Garner, Andy Galpin. And then they just prescribed me just some stuff. Not a lot of stuff. Like, you know, just like a multivitamin. CQ10..
Toncat Ali, brings your testosterone up a little bit. I got a story about this.
You don't need that.
I got a story about this. No, I don't need that, by the way. My testosterone was 700..
That's good.
But my estrogen levels were at like 37..
You're a bitch.
I'm a bitch. No, this is good. I have to make a speech at my friend's wedding. I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm getting a little, I'm looking in the mirror and I'm getting, for the first time in my life, a little soft around the old hips in the back. And I'm like, oh, I'm getting older.
Just diet. This can't be. This can't be. Just diet. No, no, no.
Hold. Oh, there's a twist. Then I'm with my wife and I'm crying over shit. I see in a, I don't know, a scene in a rom-com or a fucking commercial. And I'm, I'm getting, I'm not kidding.
I'm, you know, I'm dead behind the eyes. You've known me a long time. I'm not a very emotional. I'm certainly not going to share my emotions with you, but I'm bursting into tears. At a commercial.
Now, hold, please. Now hold.
At an antidepressant commercial.
I got to make a speech at my boy Tarek's wedding.
Oh, no. And you're all emotional. Oh. Well, that's probably part of why you were emotional. Your friend was getting married.
I get emotional at weddings. I'll admit that. I do too. And my friend's getting married. His, his mother's, an Afghan refugee.
I know she went through a lot of stuff. So it's an emotional time, but I'm there to be funny and make a speech. That's what I'm there for. It's a festive moment.
I couldn't get through the speech, sir.
You were crying?
In the middle of it, I started crying so hard.
I started crying that I, I couldn't finish the speech and I couldn't get it together. Oh my God. So I thought something's wrong. Well.
Why, why is it that men have to think that? Oh, you're taking Propecia.
I was taking Propecia. Yeah. And I was taking Propecia and it was raising my estrogen levels and it was the, it was binding my testosterone up.
There's topical stuff that you can use to keep whatever fucking chemotherapy hair you have left in the top of your head.
Bro, I'm going bald. I don't give a fuck. I'm not going to be bursting into tears.
Good for you. Right? Listen, man. I love being bald. I really do.
If I had, if I could grow a full head of hair, I would 100% shave my head. You would? I just, yeah, let it grow stubbly. Yeah. But then I'd shave it again.
It stops you from having to have any uncomfortable conversations with barbers. Oh my God.
Just take a little off here.
Well, sometimes they'll tell you a story and then they're holding the scissors and I told that, motherfucker, and you're like, oh my God, please cut my hair. Don't just fucking, kidnap me and force, hijack me and force me to listen to this story that has no ending about someone who disrespected you at work. Like, oh no.
Do you know what? I can't do this. I have a weird thing where, if you clip scissors near my ear, I start getting a tickly sensation in my back and I start to twitch.
Oh, wow. Yeah. From when you were a kid, maybe or something?
I don't know. It's just a, it's a nerve thing. I start to feel like, it's like when somebody blows in your ears and you're like, eee, like that.
I haven't had a haircut in like 12 years. Yeah. I just go.
Yeah.
I keep one here too. Like if I need a little touch up, just. Yeah. I cut my own hair. Yeah.
It looks like it.
I know.
Do you have a flow beat?
Somebody took a picture of me. Somebody took a picture of my, me. I was with my kid and they, they took a picture of my, my profile and literally on the plane on the way here. And I looked at my profile and I, and I, just, I, I texted my wife. I go, listen, I know I'm very ugly.
Just so you know. I don't know how you went from, she dated like a black professional athlete. You went from chocolate and jacked to medium, narrow, gray, and wrinkled. And I don't get it. It was just.
Stop thinking about yourself.
I know.
That's the problem. Think about life. No, you gotta be nice to yourself.
Sure. And I'm not good at that.
Oh, okay.
But you gotta learn how to talk. You gotta learn how to, um, tell it, be truthful all the way across the board, but with yourself, and then be nice to yourself, man.
It's one of the reasons why I work out so hard, because when I work out really hard, I have respect for myself.
Yes.
You know, if you force yourself to do something for that day, I know I'm not a lazy piece of shit for that day. I know I'm focused for that day. when I'm done. I'm like, I know who I am. I get shit done.
That's exactly my philosophy on all that sort of self-restraint and discipline is that every time you do something like that, it's a victory. Every time you don't do it, it's a defeat. And, in my opinion, you get weaker. It's not about getting your body stronger, and, you know, we're all flesh and blood. You can take me out with fucking, you know, a knife.
It's more about the fact that, no matter what's going on in my life, I show up.
I think mental resilience is like cardiovascular fitness. I think you have to work on it all the time.
It never ends.
And I think that's the same with comedy. I know that's the same with archery. I know that's the same with playing pool. I know that's the same with jujitsu. It's one of those things where these are all perishable skills.
And I think mental resilience is a perishable skill.
And it's perishable. minute by minute. Yes. And you can never let off. It's like, you know, you get to a point in your life where maybe you have a bunch of goals and you scratch them off.
In some ways, the most lost I was, at 50, I think, I kind of like, I drew a line through a lot of the things I came to L.A. to do.
And what I realized was that I'm not made to just, you need a challenge. But, more importantly, I think there's something that you gain from the idea that anything that happens to you, I don't care, especially bad things, especially discomfort, especially something new, especially something that's painful or creates anxiety, or just the unknown. I think that that is all of those things can truly be looked at as good. And the reason they should be looked at as good is more, in fact, better for you than the good things that happen a lot of times. It's a very simple reason.
It's if you take the perspective that it is, you can call it God, the universe, I don't care what you call it. It is the order of things. Instead of looking at what you can get from the universe, look at it as what the universe is trying to get from you. So anything you go through that's difficult, that's very uncomfortable, is there to make you grow. There are hidden gifts in that great unknown, in that chaos.
And if you embrace it properly, you will come out the other side, proud of yourself, much stronger, and with deeper understanding. Maybe more empathy at the end of the day for everything.
Yeah, it's that old expression, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
For real. For real.
It really does work that way. It's just like lifting weights. Why do you get stronger? You get stronger because you're forcing your body to go through something very difficult.
But do you ever have this, like with stand-up, I went to, I'm over it now, and I'm really happy with it. Bro, I was there for six months. You don't smoke enough weed. I started taking mushrooms.
Yeah, you don't smoke enough weed. I think mushrooms, well. It's steroids for comedy.
Mushrooms are weird.
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Like when I do stand-up on mushrooms, I am just like so locked into what I'm saying. I'm never like pressing play. I'm like really into what I'm saying or really thinking about what I'm saying.
I did acid for the first time. Oh! Yeah. And that was very interesting. And then I had a set, a 45-minute set.
I was closing out the show in Venice. And I was still very much in the mix of what was going on with me. And I remember saying to my buddy, Kaj, I go, dude, I don't know how I'm going to do this. I actually don't know how I'm going to do it. And then I saw they had a picture of me from like 10 years ago.
And I don't know how I did it. But I started giving my younger self advice on stage. And it worked. I was just improvising. Wow.
And it worked. It was one of the best sets I've ever had in my life. And I'm not kidding.
Isn't that weird? Because you don't want to try to repeat that. No, no. You want to do acid every time you do stand-up.
I wouldn't mind trying, though.
You'll go so far gone. You'll be gone.
Yeah, you can't. You can't. You've got to be very careful. I was on the tail end of it. That might be the best time.
That's the perfect time for weed, too, like when you have an edible. Like right, when you're not scared of everything anymore, when it wears off, you're like, oh, my God, I can't wait to get on stage and just be free. Yeah.
Stand-up keeps you honest. And I never want to be – because what I was trying to avoid was I said, I don't want to repeat myself. I don't want to be obsessed with the same questions that I'm always obsessed with, which is really my questions are always, what is masculinity? What's the difference between a coward and a hero? Is that all your questions?
My questions, have always been something in that area, because I internalized, I think, a warped sense of what masculinity is. Interesting. So it's an interesting battle for me. But now,
you have kids, and, like you said, you can't think about yourself. You get older and you're just more in a position of service, but that forces you to contend with larger questions. I think a lot about God, which is –.
Are you becoming a Christian?
I am not becoming a Christian.
A lot of people do. I know a lot of very intelligent people later in life who embraced religious beliefs, whether it's Islam or Christianity, and they felt like it gave them structure that they didn't have before. And even if they didn't believe that – here's the problem. If God did, at one point in time, communicate to his disciples, there was no written language at the time. And as time went on, when they started writing things down, they wrote things down in languages that we don't use anymore.
We don't use ancient Hebrew anymore. At least we don't. But ancient Hebrew is a fucking, super complicated language where the letters double as numbers. So there's numerical value to all the words.
So we've lost all that in the translation to Latin, to Greek, to English. There's so much confusion as to what the original meaning of the word was. I'm sure you've read a tweet before that was in Russian, and then you press the translate button, and then it gives you this broken English version of what they're trying to say. Well, without the context of their language, understand how they use grammar, it's very confusing when you're translating things. And then you have these ancient ways of describing things, where it's so hard to understand what their point of reference was.
The way they were describing things, it's very different the way they say things than we do. So that's open to interpretation. And then, on top of that, you clearly have the work of man. So if this was an enlightened encounter with some divine being that gave forth incredible wisdom to people, along with it, there's some fuckery got added. And so the question is, how much fuckery?
Because you know it's not zero. There's never, ever been a person in a position of power over a kingdom that didn't lie, that didn't manipulate, that didn't control the masses. If they were in control of whatever the religious documents were, for sure there's some fuckery.
I don't concern myself with those details. No? No. I think it almost misses the entire point. So what I'm interested in is the idea, you know, you can get into, it's funny, I went to Israel for 10 days, right?
I don't know if you know that.
Yeah, I was excited to talk to you about it on the show.
We'll talk about it. And then I went to Jordan. Remind me to tell you that. But what I'm interested in, what gets me thinking, is, it's very hard for me to wrap my head around the idea. I'm a Christian.
I believe that Jesus rose. That's very hard for me. I just can't accept.
You can't accept the resurrection. I can't. See, that's one of those. But that's okay. What did they mean by that?
But I will say this. I find it very, very intriguing and interesting that you take, let's take Jesus Christ and Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar, the most powerful man in the world at the time. And let's just take any sort of reincarnation of that guy. You know, just Jeff Bezos or whoever it might be.
You've got the world at your fingertips. Even someone like Joe Rogan. Everybody loves you. Everything is free. It is what it is.
You've reached the top of the mountain. And so let's take Julius Caesar. All the power in the world, commanded armies, ran everything. And anyone would be seduced by that prospect. It'd be pretty cool to be at the top of the mountain.
Yet somehow there's a guy who was a radical rabbi, which just really means teacher, a first century Jew, who, at the prime of his life, is killed, tortured, put up on a cross. And despite him being quote-unquote God or very close to divinely inspired, he gets tortured and put on a cross. So there's no, you die with nothing. And oh, by the way, a couple of crazy notions. Love your enemy.
You know, walk as a humble person. Sell all your possessions. Give the money to the poor. All these things. And oh, you and your body, there's something higher.
So your appetite, this physical frame, actually should be subservient to a higher ideal. And I'm going to prove it by being on a cross. And what's the last thing I'm going to say? Something to the effect of I love you and I forgive you.
Not a good ending, by the way. Not a way if you want to get successful. But yet we revere that person. Somehow all of us, atheists, Christians, whoever it is, somehow nostalgically or in our imagination, know that the way he walked, that path, even if it ends in total ruin, that path somehow has more power. Somehow it lasts longer.
Somehow it has more meaning. Even if we try to emulate it to a lesser degree, somehow it makes us feel, somehow there seems to be something, it seems to dovetail with the laws of the universe. It seems to dovetail with something we would call the truth. Something we'd call beauty. Something we'd call inspiration.
That's what I'm interested in. We don't talk about Julius Caesar or anybody who accomplishes crazy things, the way we talk about people like Mohandas K. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, people that were emulating this idea, the idea of passive resistance, the idea of turning the other cheek, and then a guy like Christ, the Buddha. I find that interesting. I find it very interesting that human beings seem to resonate.
When they think about it, I always say my best version of myself is clearing his throat in the other room. You and I call it the pesky truth. I've got to get this shit done over here. I know the right way. I know what I should be doing.
I know the way I should be behaving. I find it very interesting that if you were to just accept that the laws that are laid down in this scripture, let's say the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Koran,
the Abrahamic religions, I'm just going to talk about that for a second, there's a lot of self-restriction in that. There's a lot of prudence in that.
It ain't that much fun. You can't be promiscuous.
Look at a guy like Khabib Nurmagomedov.
Exactly. I don't know how I fucked his last name up.
Khabib Nurmagomedov is arguably the greatest fighter of all time. He's definitely in the argument. The guy lost two rounds ever in his whole career. He is devoutly religious. Five times a day.
there's a call to prayer. They don't fuck around. During Ramadan. there's no eating, no drinking, no, nothing. during the day.
The training is all brutal and Spartan.
He takes no credit. What does he do all the time? He goes this, no, that.
Yes, always. He's super humble and he's admirable. You see, a man like that, that's a man of character. That's a man of distinction. That's a champion.
Yes, I'd rather fight an atheist than a man coming to me and singing the fucking psalms. Remember when Evander Holyfield was singing the psalms, when he stepped in with the unbeatable Mike Tyson?
He had the Holy Ghost, the Father and the Son and himself. That's four people that Tyson was fighting that day.
And just pure belief in himself.
Yes, but more in belief in something higher than himself. I think that we are in deep trouble if we don't have a transcendent truth we believe in. That's where I disagree with Sam Harris.
Sam is a very smart guy. I love listening to him and I agree with a lot of what he says. I think Sam makes the argument that if you look at nature, the golden rule, treat your neighbor as you would treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself, or whatever. It can almost be proven in nature. It's a better way to walk.
I don't think that's enough. I think you need to feel like somebody.
That's a hard sell when you look at regular nature, when you watch animals tear each other apart.
I know it is.
Survival of the fittest is the clearest. If there's some sort of a mandate for the world, it's survival of the fittest. Then, whatever those things are, have to figure out how to get more fit, because their prey is getting more fit. Yes. It's just this constant, horrific cycle of eating things.
That's why Healy is saying if you're a gazelle and you wake up, run fast. If you're a lion and you wake up, run fast.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine once. He's like, you always talk about nature, like it's this horrible thing, but you go into nature. It's beautiful. I go, yeah, that's because they're digesting. They're digesting everything.
they just fucking mauled and tore to pieces in front of its mother. Correct. What are you talking about, man? Have you ever been? What do you do?
You go hiking? You think you know nature? Listen, bitch, I stared a mountain lion in the eyes. They're terrifying.
It's a war. It's a constant war.
I made eye contact with a grizzly bear from 50 yards away. You did? It almost shit my pants. It wasn't even a big one. Dude.
It was like a six-foot grizzly bear. They look at you so different than any other bear. I've been around grizzly bears at the zoo and shit like that, but that's a different animal. In the wild. When you see them in the wild, they look through you.
They look at you like this. It's like a regular bear, like a black bear. They look at you like, who are you? What's going on here? They kind of side-eye you because they're not the king of the forest.
No. As they wander around, they're always terrified that a grizzly is going to show up. They look at you like, oh. Unless it's a big black bear.
They tend to, when they attack people- They're predatory. They tend to do it predatory. Yes. Whereas grizzlies oftentimes-.
Get off my land. My kids are here.
Yeah, the kids are there. Or you fucked up and you scared them. There's a distance where they're inside that distance. It's very dangerous.
Here's my thing. There are two animals. I don't want to get eaten by or messed up by. A chimp, because they just start pulling shit off because they're spiteful. Yeah.
And then a bear because- I want a cat. No, no. I'll take a cat. You're out of your mind. No, no.
Listen to me. Listen to me. No problem. Let me tell you why. They grab you by the back of your neck and you go bye-bye.
They just bite you.
You just want to go bye-bye?
Yeah. You don't want to fight out of it? I sure don't, because I ain't winning.
Sometimes people survive. There's been a bunch of dudes that survived getting grizzly bear fucked up and they just have faces.
Yeah, but sometimes they eat you ass first. The problem is they start eating your legs.
If they start eating you. Yeah, that's a problem. If they eat you, it's a problem.
Yeah. Yeah. And it's 1,100 pound angry dog.
Yeah, that's the grizzly man story, apparently. Yes. It took like a half an hour for him to kill him.
That's right. That's right. And what's his name? Werner Herzog is listening. He's like, whatever you do, don't listen.
I'm just begging you not to listen.
Burn this tape.
Yeah, I'd have to.
It's the best unintentional comedy that's ever been made.
I agree 100%.
It's an amazing documentary.
And it's a comedy.
It's a comedy. Yeah. When that sheriff looks right at the camera and goes, I thought he was retarded. You're like, come on. This is a comedy.
And there's a smash cut after that. Werner Herzog's a genius. He knows what he's doing. He does. He knows what he's doing.
100%.
Because there is some beauty in the story and there is some tragedy in the story. And there's like this weird human element where this clearly gay guy who's in the closet is out wandering around in the woods, pretending he's protecting grizzly bears. It's fucking amazing. But he had amazing encounters. He had an incredible friendship with this little fox who was like hanging out with him.
Foxes, when you camp in a place for a long period of time and they realize you're not dangerous, they just become your friend. Really? Yeah. They hang out. The fox is hanging out with this dude.
The fox stole his hat. They were playing. The fox stole his hat and dragged it into his den. Wow. And he's laughing with the fox and chasing after him.
Give me my hat. Give me my hat.
Yeah. I don't remember that. I remember I was in Alaska and a guy had a female wolf. And I said, he found it. I think, I don't know what happened, but he adopted it.
And that female wolf, first of all, he said, you have a wolf, you're not going to the store and leaving the wolf. That's not how it works. Right. The wolf is always with you. That's how it is.
It's not like, I'll be home in eight hours. No, no, no. That's a wolf, bro. They're going to break out of that. Whatever they're going to do, you're part of their pack and you're not going anywhere.
And it was so smart that he would bring it hunting. And it figured out that he only killed does. And so it would point. It would point the way a pointer does. It would literally point whenever it smelled a doe and not when it smelled a stag.
Whoa. Yes. And then I said, well, what about a male wolf? And he said, no, no.
Where was this?
In Alaska. I was in Ketchikan. And he said, I was fishing, you know, and I didn't see the wolf.
Was she spayed?
I don't know.
Imagine if she's in heat and she puts out that scent and then the males come around.
That'd be an issue. But the males, I said, would you ever have a male? And he said, you'd never have a male. I said, why? He goes, because it would always be challenging you.
It would always, they're pack animals. And it would always be, you guys would always be in a situation and you'd end up getting fucked up. Oof. Yeah. That's 150 pounds.
There's a lot of people that have wolf dogs.
Yeah, bad idea.
Seven aced timber wolf. Yeah. They're so sketchy. They kill everything.
They kill kids. And the reason they kill kids is because they have a very, they have a, their pack, the pack, hierarchy is, is, is incredibly present in their DNA. So what happens is if you have a child in that house, when you leave, that dog, that wolf considers that child to be lower. It's going to challenge. Oh.
So they had too many times where a hybrid wolf, I'm going to get, I'm sure people are, oh, the hybrid wolves, and they're the nicest dogs. No, you don't. They're great dogs. But a lot of people actually testified at these things, at these, because the, at the lawsuits and things, because those dogs, they're wolves and they look at children as being below them on the pack. So there's always a chance they're going to take that competitor out.
Yeah. No joke.
So no hybrids, bro.
Yeah. I had a friend who had one and it got out. He was living on a ranch. It got out and killed eight of the neighbor's sheep.
Just went on a slaughter fest.
Doing wolf shit.
Just doing wolf shit. Yeah. Just killed them all.
Didn't even eat some of them, right?
No, didn't eat them at all. Yeah. Just found out that they were contained in this little fenced-in area. I was like, that fence is four feet high. Boink.
Just jumped over that fence like it was nothing. Yeah. You ever see a coyote jump a fence? Yeah. They're so graceful.
I know.
I saw a coyote jump over my back fence with one of my chickens in his mouth.
Dude, I've been to that. I know exactly what fence you're talking about. Like nothing. That's a seven foot fence. Six feet.
He went up to the top like it was nothing. Toes on the top.
Boing. Boing. God.
Like a gymnast.
With a chicken in his mouth.
With a chicken in his mouth. Yeah. What's? a chicken weigh? Like five pounds?
A hundred pounds, dude. I don't know. I don't know biology, but I think it's about a hundred pounds.
What's a chicken weigh? What is like a female chicken weigh? Like about that big?
Like three pounds.
They feel like they're about five pounds, maybe.
Yeah, maybe.
This motherfucker, just, with it in his mouth, just bound over that fence, like it was non-existent. And I was like under the illusion that those fences were keeping these cocksuckers out.
Yeah, of course. Well, six feet. I saw it.
Bro, he went over it like it was nothing. He got his feet on the bars. He just sprang up. Like watch this guy. Look at that.
Look at that. Just fast fish muscle. Onto the roof. Look how insane that is. That's a skinny ass, fucking picket fence.
He lands on the top of it.
No dog would do that.
No dog.
Maybe a Belgian Malinois.
Yeah, maybe a Belgian Malinois. They would do it easy.
Bro, this guy, Matt Ritland, Mike Ritland, you know who he is? No. He was a SEAL. He trains at Malinois. I had a 65 pound Malinois.
He's in Dallas. Shout out to Mike. Did you put the bite suit on? I did. Put the bite suit on.
Then he had the dog in the car. The handler had the dog by the leash. He said, just walk up to the car and just be kind of aggressive. 65 pound dog. Skinny.
Little dog. You'd look at him and be like, whatever.
I start going. Then I just stick my arm in and the thing grabs onto me. My buddy, Nick, who's a bodybuilder, crazy strong, he did the same thing. The pressure. The pressure.
Have you ever done it? No. It'll give you a new respect. It'll give you a new respect for the power of an animal. The pressure through the sleeve was so disconcerting.
I knew, because I'd already done it in Afghanistan. I did the Afghanistan. I did the USO. Yeah, bro. Come on.
I did the USO tour. We had dogs, these giant Dutch Shepherds loose on us. This 65 pound dog was doing it because he hated me. It's one thing when it's a game of tug of war and it's prey drive. This thing had fight drive.
This thing was like, I hate your guts. I'm going to try to kill you. His eyes just went, those grizzly bear eyes. My buddy, Nick, got depressed. I said, you all right?
He goes, no, I'm a little bit depressed. I said, why? He goes, because I've never felt that kind of pressure on my arm. I'm a really strong guy. I said, oh, yeah.
Matt, who's a SEAL, he goes, your body, shuts down. When you get bit like that by a dog like that, even a 65 pound dog, a lot of times, what happens is the nerves get crushed. You can't use that arm. You're in big trouble. Even if you're on PCP, you just shut down.
Those guys that get attacked. This episode is brought to you by Experian. How many subscriptions do you have? It might take you longer than you think to figure it out. These days, it's far too easy to get a load of subscriptions that you might completely forget about.
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Rules and restrictions apply. See Blinds.com for details. Do you buy dogs? Like when they stick dogs on them? Those guys are never the same again.
When they grab their arms, that arm is fucked forever.
Correct. You can't do that. That's why Rottweilers, I heard, they don't use rots anymore. Because they were harder to recall, and their mouths are so big, and they bite so hard that, yeah, it causes permanent damage, and the cops were getting sued. So let's use a Malinois.
Bite really hard, but you can call them off faster. You know, they might bite less with their back teeth, blah, blah, blah. Although they inhale you. They fucking inhale you. Now, hold, please.
That is a dog. Now let's go with a Nile crocodile or a grizzly bear, or any of those things. Enjoy that shit. Why are we talking about animals?
I was watching a video today of a crocodile swimming with a guy in its mouth.
I've seen that.
I watch it once a week.
There's people on the bridge, and I don't know what language they're speaking, but they're pointing down to this poor fuck getting dragged by a crocodile.
It terrifies me. Well, you had that guy on the Amazon. You know, he's talking about black caimans. Paul Rosely. Yeah.
Love that podcast.
I did not know. black caimans got to 16 feet long.
Well, my buddy, he was a Green Beret, and he was the last Green Beret to do jungle training, I guess, in Brazil. They had this joint task force with the Brazilian Special Forces. Yeah. So he was.
Here's the dude swimming with the body in his mouth. Fuck.
Yeah, that's not a good time.
That's so dark.
Yeah, that's really dark.
By the way, this is not the same video. The one I watched, it was a different one.
Notice his other arm. His arm is off. He doesn't have an arm. Or a foot. See that?
Yeah.
That's so insane. Bro.
Is this Costa Rica? Where is this? Australia. Australia? I'm not sure.
Yeah. So these Green Berets are with the Brazilian Special Forces, and in the middle of the night, they go, get in the water. You guys are going to swim two miles. And then they were shining a spotlight on the banks of the river, and you could just see these eyes. They're like, don't swim to the bank.
Don't swim to the bank. But it was all these guys. So it was a big group of guys swimming, and they had to get to a point. They get to the rock, and one guy just wasn't there. And they had a moment of silence, and that was the end of that.
And they got back in the boats, and that was their night. The guy was taken by a black caiman, they think. Just disappeared. Just that quickly. Just shoot.
See you later. You can't do that. You can't be swimming in water when there are 18-foot black caimans. Come on.
Why did they make them do that?
Well, because.
That doesn't seem wise.
Because if you're a Special Forces guy, what is that?
Look at all of them out there. Yeah, what are they all out there for? I have no idea. This guy opened his tent, and they were all just there. I mean, he probably knew where he was, I would hope.
Maybe. Maybe he just camped out.
That's not good, bro.
Those are alligators. Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Can you back that up a little? With those eyes behind you?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh!
Look at all the eyes.
That's a nightmare.
That is so insane.
You go out to take a piss, and you just get rolled.
That must be like a place where they all beach to dry off or something.
I don't know. Back to God. That's hell right there.
That is hell.
Hell on Earth. Do you think about, have you been thinking, do you think about, like, spirituality? Or God?
I try not to, because it's annoying.
I definitely don't bring it up.
Yeah. But you have a lot of people on who talk about it.
I've been thinking a lot about spirituality. Yeah. You know. There's a follow-up video. This was in Brazil.
Oh, wow. They did attack his tent a little bit. So are those black caimans as well? Yeah, those are black caimans. Oh, my God, dude.
Yeah.
Homeboy just decided to camp out where they nest.
Yeah, you do that in Australia, and they come into your tent. So don't do that.
Fuck. Yeah. It's just, there's so many interesting things on this earth in terms of life forms and how they interact with the other life forms. Some of them eat them with their face.
God, I know.
Big, giant life forms.
I know.
That have existed in that same exact shape? for how many millions of years? of, how many millions of years of crocodiles been around? Let's guess. A hundred?
I mean, they're dinosaurs.
Yeah. I mean, they're giant reptiles, right? Yeah. What is the number?
I don't know.
I'm going to say a hundred million years. They probably predate the dinosaurs, don't they? I don't know. Or coexisted with the dinosaurs.
I would imagine a version of them.
Yeah. I mean, that's probably what life was like 65 million years ago. It was just that everywhere. Very few mammals.
I think what you're supposed to do, say you're on an island and you have to get to safety, because there was that story about the guys who got stranded on an island.
Two hundred and forty million years ago. They first appeared 240 million years ago. It was the Mesozoic era, in the time of the dinosaurs. While others have evolved into different shapes and forms, the crocs stuck. The crocs have stuck to the same structure for the last 200 million years.
That's not in the Bible, dude, so I don't know.
See, that's the problem, right? That's the problem.
Well, that's my problem. For me, it's about metaphor. Right. Right? There are too many contradictions.
That's why I don't get hung up on the details. I'm just more interested in the overall arching idea that I do think there is something called truth. And I think there's something called a lie. I think there's something called a good way to live and a bad way to live. And I think if you extrapolate in either direction, one leads to something like fulfillment or who you're supposed to be.
And then the other leads to who you're not supposed to be. That's what I'm kind of upset about.
What do you think is the source of it? Where did the Bible come from? Did it come from man's inherent understanding of his connection with God? And they wrote things down and eventually became stories? Or were there real experiences that were divine?
I'll answer it this way. I think that any time you go through any kind of loss or destruction or hardship, you have a better chance at seeing something you wouldn't if you came from nothing but comfort, safety, and something like the Garden of Eden. Right. So I think that it's – I don't think anybody escapes suffering. I don't think anybody escapes some kind of ruin, some kind of loss, some kind of – even age, you start to lose all the things you're proud of.
And I think having to contend with that, maybe, and trying to derive meaning from that. Because if you don't have that –.
But hang on. So that's a person. That's not God. Right. So it's a person's experience with misery in life and reality led to the creation of the Bible?
I think I'm just talking about the idea that there are things that human beings are capable of, for example, conceiving of something that doesn't have any material relevance in the world, but that, later on, does. So let me give you an example. There are mathematicians that devote their entire life to a theorem. It's 350 pages long.
They're 80 years old. Six people in the world understand what it's about. And they end up dying. And then, 150 years later, somebody's trying to put a rover on Mars. And they go, you know what?
This equation actually is, what I've been looking for and what we need to do such and such and such and such. So all of a sudden it bears material reality. And I think that that's an example of maybe something that is grounded in the human mind that doesn't have to have its roots in experience. It doesn't have to have its roots in what you can touch and what you can measure, but rather what you can imagine. That's interesting to me.
That's the difference between a human being, say, and Chad GPT. Or artificial intelligence. The idea that artificial intelligence is working on a model that already exists. It's sourcing from everything that's already been. Something like the theory of relativity or something like a theoretical math theorem, or, for that matter, even something that's really beautiful.
I don't know what it would be. Like the Sistine Chapel. That brings us to our knees, because it surprises us. It shocks us. It goes beyond what we thought was possible.
That, I think, is what's endlessly fascinating. And then I would say to you, why? What is it about the human brain that we have a mind that can actually conceive of something like that and wants to? What is it about our mind that seems to have limitless potential for understanding and for creativity? To what end?
To what end? It's not just comfort. It's not just, you know, so I can have more food and I can watch more stuff. Anybody who's had all that sensation doesn't do the trick, man. You can't.
You can follow all the sensation you want.
There also seems to be something with creating something as undeniably amazing and beautiful like St. Peter's Basilica. Where, when you walk in there, it's so overwhelmingly beautiful that everyone gasps.
Yes.
And all these people are looking around. And isn't that, in a sense, doesn't that mimic the divine force of creation in the universe, right? Yeah.
You know what it does?
Human beings, and their creativity and their mind and their effort to express that have created this awe-inspiring thing of beauty.
And you know what Schopenhauer and Nietzsche said about that? That is called. when you see great art like that, when you do great art, anything like that. When you say I had a feeling of awe, what you're really saying is I forgot, I was human for a second or an hour or whatever. Meaning you forget you have to go to the bathroom.
You have to have sex. You have to eat. You have to make money. Something about that arrested development. that's sort of in high relief.
You kind of go. You're awed by something that is possible.
It's like a majesty. It's like this thing where you just go, how do you not believe in God when I have this feeling? This feeling of inspiration, maybe. And so God, again, let's be careful with that. I don't like to say Jesus.
I'm just saying something bigger than myself.
Overwhelming power of the universe.
There might be a point. There might be a point to this. There might be something about those two different ideas of power. There's power that makes me bow my head, I'm afraid of you. Which Pol Pot or Mao Zedong or Stalin had.
And then there's the kind of power that Michael Jordan has. Where I look up and I want to be like you. And it's the same idea. So you see somebody who seems to do what you didn't think was possible. You watch Jordan in his prime.
You watch an amazing musician do something on a guitar like Jeff Beck. And create a sound you hadn't heard. Or the Sistine Chapel or whatever it might be. And you just go, how did you do that? How the fuck did you do that?
And then there's a similar feeling that you get when you see mountains. Like if you are on a ridge and you're looking out. And you're seeing these snow-capped mountains. And a creek running through it. And deer walking by.
You're like, holy shit. is this beautiful. Yes. It's beautiful. And what is that thing about people?
The recognition of beauty. Like, are we the only animal that recognizes beauty? Because we don't just recognize it. We value it so highly. Whether it's a beautiful landscape or a beautiful car.
Or a beautiful woman. A beautiful house. There's something about the way things look. That to us is just awe-inspiring.
There's a whole body of romantic thought that says that beauty and truth are almost the same thing. You know how the Greeks define beauty? It's a beautiful way of doing it. In one word, harmony. And if you watch a cheetah run, that's what you're watching.
Even symmetry on a human body. You watch somebody in slow motion doing what they do really well. A great boxer. You watch Crawford or someone. There's something about where they place their feet.
How they move their body. Even the way a great athlete is built is a thing of beauty.
Sure. Like martial arts. It really is an art form. Because when someone pulls it off in an amazing way, it is beautiful. It really is.
There's no denying it. Also, when Justin Gaethje head kicked Dustin Poirier this weekend. I know. That was a thing of beauty.
I know.
It was amazing. It was amazing.
Were you there for that? Yeah. Yeah. Did you hear it? Oh, yeah.
It was perfect. It was the perfect kick.
Yep.
Amazing. One little detail. To land that on. Dustin Poirier like that and KO him. Amazing.
We had, I had on Fighter and the Kid, yesterday we had Jorge Masvidal, who I love.
I love that dude.
He's the best. And Jorge was, you know, Dustin's his boy. So Jorge was, he's at the fight. He's like, he kept watching. every time Dustin would kick low, Justin was kind of dipping his head.
So Jorge's, and right at the start of the second round, he's like, head kick, Dustin, head kick, head. Oh, fuck. Not, not, no, I didn't say Justin, Dustin. He just called him. And it was just, it was just because he had his hand here.
Yeah. It wrapped around his head. Yeah. Yeah.
By the way, I don't know if you've heard the, I don't know if you've heard the rumor, but Masvidal looked at Brendan yesterday on Fighter and the Kid and said, hey man, you could always step in the old cage again.
Oh boy.
And, uh, you know, but the numbers, that, there's some numbers thrown around there. And I was like, I heard those numbers and I kind of went, hey, he's in. And Brendan was like, hey, what the fuck are you talking about? I go, shut the fuck up, dude. And I was like, maybe I'll do it.
It's some numbers.
Yeah. Brendan does not need to get hit in the head anymore. Just, hey, wrestle him. I thought you were his friend.
Wrestle him.
If you can.
He was throwing Derek Lewis out there with no gloves.
Oh, good Lord.
But, but wait, hold on. Just hear me out.
Do you want to die?
Sir, hear me out.
What?
I'm just talking about, just shoot a blast, double. Shut the fuck up. Take him to the ground, and then we got that.
Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up.
I'm just, I'm just talking.
Derek Lewis puts people in neighboring dimensions. He hits you so fucking hard, you just cease to exist in this plane.
It's so terrifying.
When he knocked out Curtis Blades with that uppercut. Oh, God. Curtis Blades is a big man. Yes.
I've seen him train.
He's a big man. And when Derek landed an uppercut and just flat lined him, he just face planted him. I'm like, good Lord.
What is that? What is that power? Like, they've never been able to.
It's the best power in the history of the sport. He does? Yes. Derek Lewis has the most knockout. Statistically, he has the most knockouts.
More than Ngannou?
Well, he has 14 now, I believe.
Yeah, and nope.
Because he just knocked out, um, uh, Rogerio, uh, De Lima. He's a fucking monster, man. Oh, I'm saying. When Derek starts swinging bombs at you, man, the power that guy generates is so crazy. Even Ngannou didn't engage with him.
That was the most boring fight of all time.
Oh, God.
Watch this again. Watch that uppercut again. Watch how he lands it. He's so awful. It's so, look at this.
Boom. Okay, okay. I mean, he's out.
He's out long before that. I mean, he's out before he hits the ground.
Oh, that's awful.
Derek's the number one knockout puncher in the history of the sport. He has more knockouts than anybody in any division in all the sport. Yeah, he would do that. He fucks everybody up, dude.
He would do that. That would be bad.
Dude, you don't want to get hit once by Derek Lewis. He drops bombs, man.
All I'm saying is, is there a number on a check?
And he's a lot more fit now, too. That was what's really interesting about his last fight. He really dedicated himself. He had a fucking, he had abs. He looked, at the weigh-ins, he had abs.
You look at him, like, because he used to have to starve himself to make 265.. So he would really, like, be undisciplined about it and go, where he had to go three days without eating. And he did that a couple of times. He did that for one of his last fights, and he felt terrible. Because he's got to weigh 265, which is, to me, insane.
That he has to suck down. Yeah.
That's how big he is. That's how big he is.
I was in the elevator with him once.
And that's also why they should have a fucking super heavyweight division. Don't you want to see a 400-pound dude?
Yes, I do. Boom, boom.
Yes, I do. Want to see the Mountain fight in MMA? I agree. The Mountain could not fight in MMA. He's too big.
Well, the biggest guy is Brian Shaw.
Oh, my God. How big is that guy?
Who I've become good friends with.
He's so big. What does he weigh?
So Brian came to my show in Denver. And I did a whole episode of, two episodes called Best Of, you know, my YouTube show with him. I went to his gym, and I worked out with him. And it was just so much fun.
Does he do, like, the Atlas Stones and shit?
Dude, listen. He was, this is a real thing. Okay, he's 6'8", I think might be 6'9".
And he is 441 pounds.
He was 465 pounds. Trim. Fucking trim.
465.. So he would have to lose 200 pounds to fight in the UFC.
Dude, he took 300 pounds in one hand, Joe. 300 pounds in one hand. Look. And went like that. He squatted 720..
720.. Yeah, he's ridiculous. That's so insane. But there's more to him.
He's a very smart guy, though.
Very smart. You've got to have him on the podcast. Very smart. He's about to do the Brian Shaw Classic, which is going to be huge. He's squatting a car in the Brian Shaw Classic.
Imagine trying to do jiu-jitsu against that guy.
Well.
What are you going to do?
Well, I'm a little obsessed with him, because he squatted 720 pounds 13 times in under a minute.
Why don't we get this guy to train jiu-jitsu? How old is he?
He's 40..
He'd smoke everybody.
I know he would.
All you have to do is get him to blue belt level.
He's playing with the idea of arm wrestling. And Levant, the greatest guy of all time, sent a funny video going, Brian, we don't need you in the arm wrestling division. He's so ridiculously strong. You've got to remember, he picked up a Thomas Inch barbell. He was playing basketball.
And he was just walking around like a giant guy. And you know what the Thomas Inch is? It's a circus trick. Nobody can do it. You have to pinch the barbell and lift it up.
It's like everybody who's strong tries to do it. You can't do it. It's one in like 100 million people can do it. And he walked over and goes, I don't know. What is this?
And they go, that's a Thomas Inch. Try to pick it up. Nobody could do it all day. And he goes, okay. And just pinched it and went, this?
And the guy goes, do you know what you just did? He goes, no.
This is before he started training? Yes, sir. Oh, my God.
And he goes, if you don't become a strong man. But what makes Brian special is his intelligence. But he's super competitive, to the point. He came to my show in Denver. And we're talking.
Yeah, those are over 200 pounds.
Bro, I want to get in his ear.
Oh, no, no. Listen to this.
Talk him into slap fighting.
Well, there's a video of him slap fighting. He was hitting him. Yes. You don't understand how big he is.
Oh, I do understand. I saw a picture of you guys next to each other. He's like Shaquille O'Neal, but built like the Hulk.
But this is how he is. He read a story about a guy. I think he knew the guy who got fucked up by a black bear. The bear pulled his face off, or something like that. And the bear weighed like.
I think they found the bear. And the bear was like 450 pounds.
And Brian was like. He told me the story. I go, so what are you saying? He goes, I just want to know how I do against the bear. And he was dead.
serious. I go, what do you mean? He goes, I mean, I'm just telling you. I'm just saying I'm going to give the bear trouble.
He's not going to give the bear any trouble.
But it was so funny. It's sad. I go, stop it right now. Stop it right now. He goes, I'm just saying.
I'm just curious. But he's that competitive. He's that fucking competitive.
That's cute. As far as human beings go, that guy rules the roost. That is correct. But when it comes to bears. I told him that.
He might as well be you. He might as well be me. He might as well be Jamie.
Yeah.
He might as well be a 12-year-old boy.
Well, no. No, I think he gives the bear some trouble.
He gives the bear no trouble.
He's 450 pounds. It doesn't matter. And crazy strong.
It doesn't matter. You're not a bear.
No, I know.
The strength those things have.
Yeah. The speed. The bite force.
They drag mooses around with their face. Yeah. They bite a moose and just drag it into the woods by their face.
I'm talking about a 450-pound bear.
What kind of bitch ass bear are you talking about?
Hey, man, black bears.
He'd still get fucked up. The bites. The bites would be so terrifying. It's like cutting pieces off of you, and then you're bleeding, and then you're getting weak. Yeah.
You have no chance.
Now, he's going to be a sweetheart here.
Who's this guy on his back?
That's Dustin Poirier.
Get some real quick. Dustin gets them? Yeah. He doesn't know what to do. Sort of.
Yeah, but if you talk. Listen.
No, you've got to understand.
He kind of let him do that. Yes. If he wanted to, he could have fucking slammed him. But the reality. Watch this.
Okay, here we go. Watch this. So now he's in guard.
He's doing.
If he really wants to get rough with you. He's going to do anything he wants to do. He's got too much grip. I wouldn't allow him to have those shoes on. They'll fucking shoes off, bro.
He's different. strong. Of course he is. He'll squeeze you. He'll squeeze you until you poo.
Well, Dustin is a real black belt in jiu-jitsu. I'm sure he could defend himself if the guy didn't know what he was doing. But all you'd have to do is teach him what to do. Yeah. See, if you just put him through a John Donaher six-month course.
Yeah. He'd be assassinating people. Yeah.
You know what we're doing on Firing Kid, right?
What are you doing on Firing Kid?
We're going to have.
Brandon Sharp get more brain damage?
Well, that's. I have to talk him into that.
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