Synced: Mary Katherine Paulson

Okay, we're recording, and we were just talking about the fact that we think that maybe my therapist is Taylor Swift's therapist.

Okay, well, how would you feel if you learned that your therapist is Taylor Swift's therapist?

Well, first of all, I would feel so elite. So elite! Also, the fact that she makes the time for me when she has to make the time for her. Right. That's huge.

I wonder if someone is bringing up Taylor Swift in their therapy sessions in a negative way. Probably. I mean, I will, I'm going to be very vulnerable. Do it. There were times, and I feel like no one has really admitted this, so maybe it'll create a platform.

Yeah, maybe it'll open the door. Yeah.

I was very happy for her, and at times I was like, you can't become a billionaire and meet the love of your life in the same, like in six months.

And you were, wait, you were saying it as in, I'm skeptical or I'm envious?

No, I'm envious. Oh, wow. I was super happy and elated until the Super Bowl night. That's never really happened to me at a wedding. I've not been to enough weddings for me to be in a bad place, only many funerals, which usually make you more grateful, honestly.

Yeah. It has the opposite effect.

It does. But you know how sometimes you can get sad at a funeral? Like, let's go to, you go to a funeral and you're single, or you just went through a breakup or something, and you're like, I feel like that was the Super Bowl for me, a little bit where I was like, all right, this is getting a little, like, now. I'm feeling sad about my life. In comparison, like everything's working for her.

I'm sure a lot of people felt like that.

You felt zero percent. Yeah, because I didn't.

For a few reasons. One, I love her. I respect her. I love her. I admire her so much.

All encompassing. Exactly.

And that's a lot. Like, that seems exhausting. That seems tiring. I think she's earned it. So now, did you think before she had a billion dollars, but she still had like nine hundred and ninety nine million dollars?

I think it was just all of it combined and a lot of it constantly in my feeds. And this is always the cycle. And I feel bad because we do this to women all the time. Every woman. And it was very difficult for me because I felt these emotions.

I shouldn't be feeling like this.

This is bad. I think this is what you wish. I mean, because I've been trying to get into manifestation.

We're supposed to meditate. Shoot.

I forgot.

So did I. Okay. I think we should start it July 1st.

Oh, okay. I like that.

Should we do a month of it?

Yes. How many minutes for July?

How many minutes? 20..

Are you kidding me? 20?? That's too many. Can you do 20?? I don't think I've ever.

I'm not doing it right the whole time, but I can like.

Right. Just no right way to meditate. That's what I hear people say.

I can like commit to trying for 20 minutes.

Okay. Wow. This is huge. I mean, maybe I should do 20.. I was going to say 10 because that's a lot, but 20 is going to make me face some shit, because I've never been able to sit there for that long.

But are we allowed to do guided?

We must. I can't do the other one.

Okay. We'll do guided. Okay. Actually, this is better for our challenge, because then if we're doing the same exact thing, then that will be good. There's a really good woman, Penn.

I love Tara Brock.

You do?

Is it Radical Acceptance? Her book?

I think so.

It's a really good book. If you're jealous of Taylor Swift right now, go read Radical Acceptance. Literally.

Okay. But she has meditations. Do you know that?

Oh, I didn't know that. That's perfect.

And they're different. So, like, Wednesdays, was 21 minutes. Meditation relaxing, open into full presence.

And these are free. So, if people want to join us. Exactly. They're on Spotify.

So, they can join the mod.

The meditation mob, or if they're a better term.

I like it. But yeah. Sync Squad can join in on our challenge. We're going to start July 1st. But some days I don't have it.

I like to redo meditations. Okay. So, should we— Because I know I like it.

Redo until a new one comes? Yeah.

I think that's good.

Okay. Already feels chaos.

I love it. Also, speaking of a Sync Squad, I met a Sync Squad member, a many, in New York. Shout out to Mary Kate. And actually— Wait. Mary Catherine.

I wish it was—.

I know. Wait. If it was Mary Kate, that would have been—.

I think I would stop breathing.

I think it was Mary, Catherine.

Mary Catherine Paulson?

What is that?

I don't even know who that is. It's like almost Mary Kate Olsen. Oh, Olsen.

Oh, my God. I'm smoking too much weed. Okay.

Mary— Who are you? Pin.

I mean, when am I not? Okay. Mary Catherine Paulson. Shout out to the Sing Squad. Many members came up to me in New York, and one of them— I was on a date, on a brunch date.

Should we also start doing that?

Honestly, it worked. I mean, I got a second date, and it made me look awesome.

I have so many pins because I want to hear about that, too.

Well, yeah. So, Mary, Catherine said that she has a synced chat with her friends, specifically when the show comes out. That's so sweet. Isn't that sweet?

Well, I really hope they join us on our meditation journey.

Me, too. Turn that synced chat into a meditation chat. That's so cool. That's so cool.

Okay, wait. So, back to—. You said you've been trying to manifest. Yes. And what about Taylor?

Well, I feel like she went through this very difficult time and then just manifested this— I mean, even Travis Kelce manifested her, like, literally, from, like, making a bracelet for her to then being on stage. It's just like, whoa, dude. So, sometimes, when I see that unfold, I'm like, why doesn't manifestation work for me? Which I know that's probably not how—like, you're not supposed to do that.

I don't think you're supposed to measure the manifestation, necessarily.

I think that's the hardest part for me, because I'm doing it. I'm doing all this work, but whatever. I'll be patient.

Can you walk me through how your manifesting goes? Like, is it in the morning? Do you write it down? What is it?

I have basically a few sets of habits. I do have meditation playlists. Like, when I was going through health issues, like, my body's healing, like, all of these things about things are being healed. And then I also have a thing with a few of my friends where we keep saying, like, everything always works out for us. And we keep saying that all the time.

What does it say?

It says manifest.

She made it. Kind of on the nose, but I love it.

I love it. And then we wrote each other letters to open in six months from now about all the things for each other. The whole thing with manifestation is it has to be present tense. You can't say, I want to have a great job. You say, I have this amazing job.

So, you've done that.

I try. Because the alternative is, and I think I'm pretty neurotic, is, like, I'll just do the opposite. I'll be like, nothing ever. Yes. I'll just go into that.

What's the difference?

If you're going to make up a story, you better make up, like, a positive one.

Yeah. I agree.

Do you ever manifest?

I feel like I've accidentally manifested a lot in my life. I don't know if this story has been told, but I think I manifested my friendship with Kristen because I liked her from afar.

Well, you also said, like, you knew, you'd be friends.

See, that's what's weird. It wasn't that I thought, I know we will be friends. It was when I was watching her on Veronica Mars and when I would see videos, I thought, we could be friends. Like, we seem very similar or simpatico, and I feel like I get her, but I didn't know her. So, it's a little nuts.

Right.

Insane. I also manifested my friendship with my friend Ashley in fourth grade. I also really liked her. She was in my class. She was so cool and popular, but she was nice.

For the best.

Yeah. It all worked out for everyone. For literally everyone. Including you.

For sure. I'm glad. I was waiting for that divorce to drop.

So I feel like I had powers at some point.

No, you still have them.

They don't go away. I might still have them. I just haven't put them to use. But maybe for... So my friend Rachel is a bit witchy.

I believe it does, just based on all the information you've told me so far. I mean, are you satisfied? Or is there something you would want to manifest?

There are things I want, but nothing that feels dire. Although, I had like a whole thing yesterday.

Oh, no.

I just cycle in and out of this. so much. Me and you have talked about it a lot, but the oppressiveness of the hierarchy of life arrangements, where single is at the bottom, couplehood is next, and then family is highest. Is Pavlov's highest need? Pavlov.

It's Pavlov's dog. Okay, okay. Great.

But all of this is dumb anyway.

We should make a new hierarchy of needs. The synced hierarchy. Yeah, we should.

Because I think we get trapped in it too. Again, it cycles. Often I'm not, I feel totally fine. And then something very tiny, totally inconsequential, like so dumb.

What was the tiny thing? And then Pavlov is just like, oh, the dog is running down the street.

Off chasing. It was so stupid. I mean, it's like, it almost feels, basically there was just like a text exchange. Nothing crazy, but that left me feeling so unimportant. And I know the people in the text, they don't think I'm unimportant.

Again, it's coming back to the hierarchy that there's like one way that is favorable or better. And I feel the same way where it'll be like, I'll be fine. And then something will happen. Or again, I'm just like probably hungry or hot or something, you know what I mean? And then I'm more like emotional about something.

It's just weird. once you become an adult and then these divisions start happening and has nothing to do, like you go through most of your life without that. Everyone's on the same playing field. And then, once you like leave college, these like strata start happening. It's so interesting.

Your life will change. Their life will change, too. That's the thing to remember, too. It's like something I just come back to. all the time is no state is permanent either.

That's a great mantra.

OK, what was the pen you want?

Oh, OK. So I was at dinner with Eric and Molly, and Erica and Charlie. We went to Craig's.

Yum. So good.

And Eric is, I don't mean this to be rude. But he would say it. I would say like the least fashionable person in the crew. So he was looking at my card holder and looking at it like really closely. And he said, do you guys know that the saddle stitch is the rarest stitch?

Did you binge it?

Well, I binged it. And then I bought stuff.

Because they were talking about it on the podcast. It sounds expensive stuff.

Well, Hermes is not cheap. It's indeed luxury. And also they made a really interesting point. There's an episode on LVMH. So now I'm on that LVMH, which is the Louis Vuitton conglomerate.

I thought it was. Okay.

I know. I mean, that's crazy, is you would think it's a tech person.

Yeah.

But it's him. But yeah. Wow.

So I bought some Hermes stuff.

And then I was getting sort of obsessed with it. And I thought, man, they should really pay. Hermes should pay these people because they're selling these fancy towels now off the hook by me. I'm buying them all. Anyway, it's very interesting.

We're so synced because I've been on a different kick. And it's the complete opposite, which is I'm on a dupe kick.

Oh, a lot of people are on dupe kicks right now.

Did I tell you about dupe.com?

No.

Okay. I discovered dupe.com. It's like your version of this where I can't stop. So I was in New York saying my friend Suraj, and he got these sunglasses in the mail and he was like, let me fucking show you. It looks like they are Ray-Bans, but they're actually called Pro-Acme.

It has where it would say Ray-Bans.

Exactly. And it's the same. They're heavy.

Don't you have some Ray-Bans? I keep losing things.

And I got Ray-Bans. I did get them for free at that event and then they have disappeared. Like, I don't know. And then he was like, oh, you don't know about dupe.com? Okay, you go to dupe.com.

Hermes. I mean, you can say it better than me, because you know French.

Hermes. Oh, God. I think that's probably not how you're supposed to say it.

That sounds really fancy. But I need to learn how to say it so that I can get the Birkin. Okay.

Birkin is different though. Is Birkin Hermes? Yes. Oh, okay.

The Birkin bag is their classic bag. It's, you can't get it. They don't, I can't like walk into an Hermes store and buy it. In fact, most of the stores don't have it in there. You have to basically be like invited to buy it.

Oh, I like that.

It's like the opposite of a car. But a luxury car is the same. If you get like an old Ferrari, it's also probably more expensive now than it would have been. And that's sort of the difference between what I've been learning about, between luxury and premium, which is, it's such an interesting world. So premium, they were saying with cars, is like a Lexus, a BMW.

Oh, interesting.

It's just the brand. It's hard to have. It's a symbol. Isn't that crazy?

Premium to luxury. Does that apply to other things or just cars?

Fashion, same thing, like the bags and stuff. There's like a level of nice bag and that would be a premium bag. And then there's luxury brand bags. It's not that, like that bag, does anything that the other bag doesn't do. What can a bag do?

Yeah.

I mean, there is a difference in craftsmanship. In the Hermes episode, they talk a lot about that. The Kellys and the Birkins are handmade, which is insane, but it holds stuff.

That's the whole point.

But the same as like a car, like a Ferrari versus a Camry, they drive you places like that. Yes. That's that. But it's this symbol. Anyway, I'm learning so much.

Wow. Wow.

SYNCED is supported by Vegamour. I was just with a friend and she was so upset because I gifted her Vegamour, which is like a good hack. It's a great gift. It's such a good gift. And she was like, I ran out.

I mean, I've talked about the eyelash serum before, but I know and I can tell, and I get the same kind of anxiety when it's running low, because I know that it'll look different. Whether it's your hair or your eyebrows or eyelashes, it just makes such a tremendous, like verifiable difference.

It actually works and it's made with clean ingredients. It's pretty hard to be able to do both and they have done it. Normally. there's a trade-off.

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Support for SYNCED comes from ZocDoc. Okay, there's a bug going around. People are getting it. I know multiple people who've got it, and so we just all need to be aware that we might have to make a doctor's appointment. And so it's so nice to have ZocDoc, where you can find and book doctors who will make you feel comfortable, listen to you, prioritize your health, and it happens fast.

Yes. Not only will you be able to choose your doctor based on their specialty and even look at their reviews and what other people have said about them, but you can look at it based on your location, based on when they have an appointment, right? Because sometimes you find a great doctor, but they can't see you until a month later.

It's so frustrating.

Or they don't take your insurance. That's my favorite part of ZocDoc is that you just upload your insurance card. You don't even need to enter all the little tidbits and it figures out who is in your network and will only show you people who are in your network. So you're not spending, or you have a surprise bill at the end.

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Well, anyway, you should try with a Birkin.

You can't do a Birkin. Well, let's see.

You put the link and then it literally figures out what the thing is. And then it shows you, like all these other links, alternatives that are the same thing, but cheaper.

And do they have fake names? Do they all have pro-acme?

I don't think you have to get the right. Okay, this is probably the difference. If you want to date with someone and you squinted and saw pro-acme, you'd probably be like, they would go down in your esteem. And for me, this would be a major bonding. You love it.

Well, I want to clarify, if I saw it, I wouldn't, my opinion wouldn't go down, but I would be like, well, those aren't rabies.

Yeah.

But part of me is like, if that's too expensive, which they are, like these things are, but maybe just get another cute sunglass that you like. that isn't pro-acne. It also sounds like pro-acne, which I am not.

Pro-acne would be more funny. That's what they should change it to. To me, what was appealing was more just the quality. They do look okay. Is the quality good though?

Yeah, they look cute.

They look like, okay, if you didn't, if you didn't squint, would you be like, oh, those are rabies? Yes.

I would assume.

Yeah. It's classy.

I also think you could get that at Nordstrom, random brand.

Not really. I wear a dress that's a dupe of a brand that I got off TikTok shop and I got it in all the colors.

It's really cute.

It's cute. It's comfy. Because that's important to me. It means I'll actually wear it.

And I saw you wearing it and I did say, is that blank? It's not. You said no, which I like. So my opinion would go down.

Oh, if I lied. Oh, no. Yeah. No, I'm proud. I tell anyone, I'm like, this is $20..

We should look and see what the Birkin is. I'm not, I am like, I'm definitely, I'm going to get kicked off the potential Hermes list just by even looking this up.

Can you look it up?

I want my search.

Yeah. How do you get invited?

Exactly. This is so, this is upsetting. I think you probably have to put in the time, the energy and the funds. You have to go to the store and probably buy stuff over time. You have to like, make yourself an Hermes customer.

Oh my. Okay. So you are, oh my God.

I'm on my way.

So wait, wait, is this Birkin 30?. Oh my God.

Yeah. No, I know. They're $30,000.. A dollar? It's insane.

Okay. So let's try.

It's insane. Okay.

Let's do the link. But see, I wasn't invited and it's letting me buy it. That's cool.

No, it's not.

One left. You could buy it on Revolve.

Oh, cause that's a resale market.

What does that mean?

People put up stuff on Revolve. Like that's probably someone bought it and resold.

Is that a way to make money?

Yes. And that's so. a lot of people also invest in them so that they can resell.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Let's find some dupes. Okay. It's looking. What have you looked up?

What have you bought?

Well, I've just discovered dupe.com. So I'm just starting. Suraj was showing me all of the things in their apartment that were dupe.com's.

That were pro-acme's.

His wife, Emily, she was like, don't encourage this. She hates it. We are so similar. And we were bonding over it of like, she'll be heading out to get a coffee. And she's like, do you, literally the bodega.

And he's like, are you going to Barbucks? Make sure you go to Barbucks.

I would totally go to Barbucks. See, like to me, there's like a sense of pride. I've told you, my dad is like, if you're buying something full price, this was hereditary.

for you.

Yeah, for sure. Okay. Wait, instant dupes. We have a Hermes. Hermes.

That's not that good, Liz. Because if it's pre-owned, you can probably find it for real. Like that's a fake Hermes. that's $16,000?.

No, someone is selling it on Farfetch'd.

But that's not a dupe. That's just the real thing.

But for half price.

That one probably was $12,000.. Like they appreciate in value. So likely when it was purchased, it was probably like $12,000 to $15,000.. And now it's $16,000..

But then, if you get it, doesn't it go up?

Yeah, probably. I'm not getting it.

Oh my God. If you get it off dupe.com, I'm going to die.

I'm not getting anything off dupe.com. Wait, can you put in on dupe.com, the Ro Margo bag?

The Ro Margo with a T?

M-A-R-G-E-A-U-X.

That's my therapist's name. Oh yeah.

I might be spelling it wrong.

With an O. But it's with an O. Margo. Some people spell it that way.

These aren't real.

I want to see the dupe version. Okay. That's interesting. So you're looking for something that's similar.

Yeah, the dupe. The pro-acne version of the Ro Margo bag. I want to know what that is.

Okay. Well, let's see. What if I do the link?

Maybe they don't have it.

I think it's trying to show you the Ro stuff because you want the Ro.

Because it can hear me? It knows, I like it. Yeah.

It knows what you like. Wait. Okay.

Should you put in dupe?

No. I'm just going to copy-paste the link. I want this to work.

I want to know, besides the Ray-Bans, what other dupes there are.

For the designer stuff?

Yeah. They only have the real thing. I'm going to look on dupe.com.

Okay. Okay. Wait. Let's do like a piece of furniture. Is there a piece of furniture you want?

I don't know enough. I know like the Eames chair.

Here's one at Walmart for $610.. Oh, hate! And I bet it's just as good.

No, it's not.

They look good to me. 25home.com has one that looks pretty nice.

It's just sourcing from places.

From Overstock. I'm so into this.

Wow. What are you going to get next?

I mean, I don't— I need to cool down.

You feel like you've overdone it once you got one pair of sunglasses? God, I wish I had your brain. One pair of $20 sunglasses, and you're like, whoa. Gotta chill. I've overextended.

I don't want to overconsume. You know, it's a good thing.

I know. It's good. It's good.

But it's—. Well, happy medium would probably be better. But if I was moving or like needed like new furniture, I'm already kind of dupe.com honestly, by nature. Yeah, you are.

So I don't need it. You live dupe.com.

I live the dupe.com lifestyle.

You could be the spokeswoman for it.

I mean, dupe.com is— Dupe.com got some free advertising from Liz.

Not from me. I am against it. I don't think it's fair. To who? To these craftsmen at Hermes.

That's surprising to me. Maybe it was so specific.

Well, I will say, so when we were at the dinner and Eric was looking at the saddle stitch, the reason he was looking at it is Charlie had a Goyard dupe cardholder.

I don't even know what that Goyard is. It's a brand?

It's a brand. And mine was also a Goyard, but mine was not a dupe. And so we were looking at them to see the differences. And so that's when Eric was looking at the stitching and stuff. And the real Goyard does have stitching.

It's a dupe.

I know it's a dupe, but it feels illegal. What if two people did Saint and then they pretended to be Monica and Liz and they like put kind of our pictures on their cover art? You can't do that.

But we're not like, I think it's fine. We're Goyard. But Goyard's going to be fine.

No, we're the Rhine.

And the Roe's going to be fine. Like, I think. Tell that to Mary Katherine Polson.

But also, I think I think of fashion a little more in the art space than maybe you do.

I don't. You don't. Do you like art? Of course. But what I don't like is leaving people out.

Exclusivity.

Yeah. I'm. That's their whole business model. I just want to rebel against. I want to be like, no, you're not.

It's obviously not illegal. Like, I don't know how.

No, it is. It is. I mean, it is. But how can you stop people? Right.

Maybe it's not even worth it to them to do a lot. Well, it probably. I don't know. Pro Acme is different. If it said Ray-Ban.

Yeah. But I'm sure those also are everywhere. They probably go after those sellers all the time. But I'm like, good for you. OK.

I don't think you should be good for you on. Well, I get it. But that's cheating. And I don't feel like you like cheating very much.

I don't like cheating. And I don't look. If someone has a fake Ferrari, I don't feel bad for Ferrari. I think Ferrari is fine. Yeah.

Because, honestly, if you have a fake Ferrari, like you're sad. Do you think that exists? No. I don't know enough about Ferrari. But you wouldn't be able to copy it.

So many times in my life, people be like, oh, my God, he had a and I'm like, I missed it. Someone be like, he had a $40,000 Rolex. Oh, sure. I guess that has value for people, those symbols. But I feel like I miss them.

I think it's good to miss them. If someone says, oh, my God, did you see he's wearing a $120,000 watch? I'm with you on that. Like, I don't think it's cool to be just like I'm wearing the most expensive thing in the room. But I like the way a lot of these expensive things look.

They're cute.

They're cute. But I don't want people to know that. It's complex. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I can't, even when I've had to go into one of those stores, like the fancy ones or any.

store.

No fancy ones. I feel like deeply uncomfortable. When I went to London this winter, I accidentally went into one of them because I didn't know it was fancy. And then I noticed, just by the way, that everyone was and I was like, oh, God, I got to get out of here.

What does it bring up? Uncomfortable, like everything in here is too expensive. or I don't belong here, or this shouldn't exist. Like, what is it?

Yeah, that's a really good question. There's something that feels like you're not allowing everyone in kind of vibe.

Pretty woman vibe?

Maybe. I don't like, even when I'm at an event, this is maybe controversial, but like I'm kind of against dress codes entirely. No, I am.

I agree. It's also race coded.

Yeah, all the things. Even if they're not being nice to me, I'm like, why aren't there more people in here?

As we're talking about this, I'm sort of realizing the reason I like it is because for me and my own privilege, that's something I can have. Not always, but because of my privilege, I got myself to a point where that's something I can have if I want it. And there are a lot of things in this life I can't have that I want. Since that's a slice of this pie that I can have, then I'm going to do it. Does that make sense?

100 million percent that you are denied race privilege.

I don't have race privilege.

You don't. That's not in your control.

And I actually think I get off a little bit on, walking in and feeling like they are wondering why I'm here or like I shouldn't really be here. Like, I do walk in and feel that like, oh, they aren't paying attention to me or they're like, what is she doing here? I mean, they're not, but that's like how I feel. And then I get off on, I'm going to try this on and I'm buying this. It's kind of amazing what happens to people's like faces and demeanors and you get taken seriously.

And it's probably all white women who typically, yeah, you feel this hierarchy and then you're reversing it.

And often, and this is bad, it's older white women with a man.

With a man? Yeah.

The man is there to buy their thing. And so I like it. I'm like, I'm here by myself, this small brown girl, and I'm going to buy it.

Yeah. I mean, I like it. when I'm with you and you're doing that. I get off of it too. I do get to watch that.

It's interesting. But we both have our lanes, dupe.com. I can't wait to see what you buy next. I hope it's something really interesting.

Me too. I will keep you posted.

Yeah. I want to know. Okay. Let's do some questions.

Let's do it.

Let's see here. Okay. Is it bad that I would rather masturbate than have sex with my husband? Anonymous. I highly enjoy having sex with my husband, but sometimes I just want to get off and go to bed.

Great question.

In theory, you should be able to go masturbate and get your needs met without the whole hullabaloo of sex. Because when you're single and you're masturbating, it is for that purpose. It's to get off. It's to enjoy the feelings. But it's not about intimacy, obviously.

Or intimacy with yourself.

Self-care.

But it's not about connecting with someone else.

Exactly. In some ways, sex is a completely different thing than masturbating. So you should be able to do both. But I feel like what you're going to say is if you were...

If I walked in, it's that episode of Sex and the City, right? Where Charlotte... What's his name?

The red guy? He had ED.

He had ED. But then it was like, he can't have sex. And then he was masturbating.

That was tough.

That would be tough for me. Funny, I was thinking about this the other day. We often think about tech and AI from many different standpoints of like, it's ruining our brain or like it's ruining the experience of things. And I guess people maybe are talking about it with sex, but we mostly focus on, like men and like how men are, you know, watching AI porn and jerking off instead of going out and dating women. But I don't think we appreciate how much...

You're in control.

It works. There's no safety risk. There's no like, what is he going to say or do?

Or also just not enjoy it. You're going to enjoy it because you have full control.

100%. And it'll be quicker. Yeah, exactly. Your needs will be prioritized by the machine who's like, only job is to, you know, serve you. Exactly.

I know, but it feels like this is separate. She just wants to like go quickly masturbate and then be done. Again, I think a way to approach talking about it, because here's the other thing. We do not do this in reverse. Men masturbate all the time and have sex with their partners.

Oh yeah, I think that's fine. I'm just assuming that eventually... And look, maybe he has less of a sex drive than you do, which, again, if the genders were reversed, that would be totally great, right? Like, go off and take care of yourself. I don't think there's anything wrong with masturbating while you're in a relationship.

But then she's still not getting what she wants. What she wants is to masturbate alone a lot, or not alone at all. But you know, she wants that experience, which is not ever going to get replaced by sex. Again, they're different. I think you can bring up in a conversation that to you, they are different.

This is purely based on my experience. But I just think, when you're in a relationship, you're masturbating less overall because you're meeting that need. Again, this is not to say you're not... It's not normal or encouraged or like wonderful, positive and healthy to masturbate. I would just be wary.

Yeah. And just think about on your own, am I avoiding something with my partner? And that's why this just seems easier.

Yes. Really good question. It's really good.

Oh, my God. Ding, ding, ding. My husband is hiding his ED. Charlotte.

Oh, my God.

This is from an anonymous Canadian.

I love it.

Hi, Monica and Liz. I recently was on my health insurance app to input some receipts and noticed a medication that my husband had purchased. When I looked it up, I found out that it is used to treat erectile dysfunction. I am nine months postpartum with our second child, so we haven't been as regular in the bedroom. But whenever we have sex, I've never noticed any problems.

What would you do? You wouldn't bring it up?

I don't think I would.

For him.

He obviously has some level of embarrassment or shame around this, or he would have told you. I do think that's a bit of a myth about age and erectile dysfunction. I think it happens at all ages.

It definitely does.

This part sucks for men. I have heard enough stories. I do feel bad, because what ends up happening is the man is struggling with this and then they can't really have sex, and then the woman feels undesirable. So now the man is dealing with his own feelings of inadequacy, mixed with the fact that he's like letting his partner down. And this is also probably not a conversation he's just interested in having right now, or maybe even like wanting to have with himself or accepting.

I think that's appropriate. I would definitely bring it up.

How would you say it? Let's role play.

Oh my God. I would just say exactly what happened. Like, I totally didn't mean to look at your medication, but it just popped up.

Liz, you're not supposed to look at my medication. That's such a violation of privacy. My medication.

It was in our shared app.

I said I didn't want to do the shared app and you were like dying to do the shared app. Okay.

I would never date this person.

We would never be in a relationship with this person.

But first of all, I will say he might be.

Yes. That's how defensive someone might get in this type of conversation. It's so sensitive.

I might send a little text and be like, hey, just sending this as a text so that you don't feel.

But what are you hoping to get from it?

I think I just would hate to know that they're struggling on their own or feel like they need to handle this on their own or feel like there's any shame. Like I just would never want them to feel that way. So it's almost just a like, hey, you don't have to talk about this to me at all. if you don't want to. I'm just letting you know that, no matter what, this is totally not even fine.

I love it.

Yes. I love your ED. But to your point, we don't know exactly what's going on.

But we do know he does not want to talk about it.

He doesn't want to talk about it.

That is the thing we do know. And so to talk about it, and we all do this and I do this a lot, I've been trying to do this a lot. Like, what is the purpose of what I'm about to do? And is it really for the other person, or is it for me? Because it's slippery and it could easily be, well, you know, I just don't want them to feel alone.

But maybe, again, it doesn't fix, but maybe then they don't carry around this shame.

But they will, because it's also societal shame. It's one thing if, while they're having sex, she's noticing. Then you say like, hey, just so you know, I saw this. It's not a big deal. We will work through it or we'll, oh my God, like, I don't even know the verbage, but it's not even affecting them while they're having sex.

I guess it would be based on him as a person, right? Like, if you, if you have a sense that there's shame and again, I don't think that would be for me. Like, if it's just for me, I don't want to have that conversation. Like, I'm not getting anything out of having this. I mean, that's uncomfortable for me to bring up.

You personally, don't want to feel like he can't tell you something.

No, it's really about just, I wouldn't want my partner to feel shame or feel that there's anything wrong with that. Because again, there is nothing wrong with that. People take medication for diabetes and for depression, whatever it is. I guess the fact that he's not sharing it suggests that, yeah, he's, and again, like men kind of, do tend to do this where they don't share things and they just fix it and handle it, but then it can come out in other ways. Or I don't think it would be for me at all.

Oh God. Oh, no. Dup.com?

Dup.com.

No. But then what if then he says something to John and he's like, what are you talking about? I don't have that. Yeah.

I wouldn't make up a fake one. I would find one in your—.

No. Because if that's real, what probably is happening is the wife is telling her. Every scenario that I know that this has gone down in, it's extremely sensitive and complicated. Yes. The idea that anyone else would know, that's a no-go.

Right. I also think when you're going through something where there's any kind of shame involved, knowing that other people who are just like you are also struggling can help.

In this case, you probably just want to like read that on the internet. You don't want it to be like, now. your friend knows. No. I know what you're saying.

Yeah. It shouldn't be. That's the thing. I think. that's why I would just want to desensitize.

I know. But sometimes we have to live in the real world and not in the world we want. No, no, no.

But show that I am an accepting environment. Maybe she's not. Unless, yeah. If you're not and you're like, eww, which I don't feel like, I get that from the letter, but yes, if you're not, then like, don't pretend to be. But I would just want to communicate that and it can be done through, oh, I heard this, or I mean, it's happened to me many times.

You're so funny. And what do they say?

I don't think that's a crazy question.

It depends on the person. For sure.

But if you're living together, I mean, I mean, like she's, they have a baby.

I just mean their personalities, though. It has nothing to do with like how committed you are. It's about how that person will handle it.

I just think these things feel very daunting and scary and ultimately, they most likely end up making you stronger. Makes you connect more. Because, yeah, to me again, this is just like, it's a point of connection. that's not happening.

I know. But that's why I'm saying I think it's about you, the person who's now feeling like, well, they don't feel like they can tell me things. That's the underlying sensitivity that's happening on your own end.

I don't think so. I'm sure in many cases, but I think this is different because it's like your sex life.

It's not affecting their sex life. Again, that's where this is a thing.

It seems like they're just not having sex. But anyway.

No, no.

She said to me, it's like a health issue. I think that's of like anything that my partner is dealing with or struggling with, I would just want to be there for them.

But she also says we have a really close and communicative relationship. So I was a little caught off guard that he didn't say anything. Yeah. So more reason he does not want to say anything. If you have built, you guys have built an environment where you guys do talk about a lot of things, maybe also best case, eventually he will tell you and you'll just be like, oh, I know.

So I mean, it's not a big deal. It's not like he has a disease or something that's going to shorten his life.

Yes. If you found some sort of pill, that was.

Heart disease.

Exactly. Then I think you have to say something.

I can see that.

It's hard. Let's see. Do we have any quick ones? Oh, that's a good one, but that's not quick. Okay.

Love this.

What's your instinct?

A or B? My instinct is B. My instinct is A.

Really?

Yes. Bricks.

Yes. We are just perpetuating the divide. During my egg freezing, I became exclusive with someone, the person I was dating. And they said like, I'm not dating anyone else. It was early, but at the same time, it was sort of a big buildup.

I love you means boyfriend and girlfriend.

To me. Yeah.

Huh.

Yeah.

Because we are together. Yes. If we're exclusive. What else are we doing?

I think there's a little period. It's an important little signpost moment. There's a period where you're exclusive and you're figuring out if it's going to lead to boyfriend and girlfriend because there's no longer other people. To me, there's like, there needs to be, it's almost like the, what's that when you come in and there's like a vestibule, what is it in English? A boat?

Oh yeah. Sure.

Like in between the house. The foyer. To me, like the word exclusive, is the foyer. Okay. It's just the both of us.

No.

That's your girlfriend.

I thought French people kissed everyone all day long.

I don't know. Maybe it's changed because this was the early 2000s. And please, French people sound off. But girlfriend is not as important. Like.