Patton Oswalt Returns

Usually myself, Matt Gorley and Sona Movsesian, we're all in the same room. This is a little bit of a different occasion. I am in New York City because I came here to do some pretty cool interviews.

I came here to do that and you guys remained in Los Angeles. It's a lot of money to fly you guys out here and we didn't want to spend that kind of coin. I think it's worth it. Elevate the content can't put a price on charm.

You, actually, you can. You can put a price on charm, and it's not equal to if you were willing to fly. Coach. And actually, if you would do that, I won't do it. charm like this. Don't fly coach.

So anyway, I'm here in New York and my charming pals are in Los Angeles at the moment. So we're on what's called, and this might be new to some of you. It's called Zoom, and it's a technology that really exploded during Covid. This is a revival of our Covid days, we're doing the podcast and we weren't all in the same room.

So let me just put it to you guys, do you feel that our energy is different when say we're in different spaces? Gorley, you're in your wonderful home in Pasadena, and Sona, you're in a land called Altadena, yeah, north of Pasadena.

Yep, yeah, never seen it on a map anyway. It's like those old maps from the 16th century, where they just show dragons and stuff. Do you look at maps often?

You just look at maps and see if you can find the cities people live in. Yes, I do okay. When you said I live in Altadena, I couldn't find it on a map. And then I asked an old man and he said, Don't go that way.

Death and doom awaits you, sea creatures.

No, it's a lovely place and I'm just kidding around. But anyway, we're in different zones right now. I feel safer having you at a distance. But the magic isn't as clicky-clicky. You know, I hate this, why do you hate it?

I hate this a lot. I like you being confined to this small box that's stupid. No, come on, hey, I'm turning your volume down right now.

It's fantastic. I'm here and I'm only thinking about, are my boys napping? and then when I'm in the studio, I don't think about them at all. That sounds like a euphemism. My boys are napping.

I can tell you right now my boys are taking a little snooze. Wait, euphemism for what, though? What does that mean?

Testicles, My testicles are asleep. Oh, you call your testicles your boys, and they've been asleep for years. They've been, trust me, my testicles went soundly asleep.

OK, I think it was 1989. They passed out. They're having a good long, sleepy-weepy.

Sometimes I'm at a loud party and I'm like, Guys, keep it down, my boys are sleeping, I say that all the time. Messed up. See, this is the kind of magic we wouldn't have had if we were all in the studio together.

That's true, but because we're all in separate spaces. I feel comfortable when sona when you bring up your children, immediately making it about my testicles. OK, because you wouldn't have done that in person. No, I'm very proper when we're in person. Oh, you're a proper guy.

I'm a proper boy. Oh, I love when you do your character work. Who's this character? This is Conan.

As a proper guy, let me hear it. Oh, Conan, I'm proper guy. OK, now, do your French guy. Oh my god. It's the worst character work of all time.

Yeah, give me a German guy. Yeah, I like it.

Hold on.

Why are you milking a cow? Oh my God, Oh my God, please, please. And I encourage you to go look at the video of this because Sona is putting her whole body into it and good God.

Yeah, Sona, that was fantastic. yeah, fantastic. And I mean that not in the way you think, what a delight. what a delight.

Hey, I love this, this was amazing. Now we're going to get to the interview part, and for the interview, we are all together for that.

We better hurry up and get there. Everybody scurry, Oh, wow, you got to fly back, No?

OK, oh, it's funny when Matt does it. OK, No, it wasn't funny when I did it. Yes, it was. yes, it was. Yes, it was. yes, it was.

I don't know what that was, what was that, what was that. I loved it, that was my impression of Sona being a French person.

Yes, I thought that was my German guy. Oui, oui, all right, come on, my boys are getting anxious.

They're awake, these boys are awake, they just woke up. Oh no, they're like, they don't know what's been happening since 1989..

Wait, George Bush's son became president. Quiet, there's more, What? And then Trump?

I love that. That's how my, hey, what's going on up there? It's dark in here, they're just talking about presidents.

Wow, real mystery why I never got the ladies anyway. My guest today and we are all again all together for this. My guest today is a hilarious comedian and actor. He's also co-author of the comic book series Minor Threats.

And volume one of the series is in stores now.

So, Patton Oswalt, welcome.

Well, I'm glad you're here.

I'm really, I'm just doing the promo thing.

I feel like you were on one of those people that came on fairly early on.

I can relax, Patton's here. You would go down these so many fascinating little wormholes in your comedy, which are very. And the way you paint pictures using words always delighted me. You've got such, you've got great imagery.

I was on one time and a band came on and was playing. It was one of those early like screamo bands. And you just leaned over to me and you went. I hate Wisdom rock and that that is the category that I assigned. There are certain bands that just had the whole take my hand and that kind of Wisdom Rock.

And and it's always insulting because it's wisdom rock from 22 year olds, yes, like people who've not had any wisdom.

I put it in this machine and then it's going to vibrate real fast.

And they're, they're. They've put makeup on that looks like their eyes are bleeding, and it's just incredibly intense. And the song is them, you know, screaming and hate, hate, die, die, hate, hate, die, die. And I would go after, go over afterwards.

And of course, I'm dressed like an insurance salesman and I would go and you can see it. I'm like, 31 32, like, Oh, well, you know, murder, mayhem.

You go, we'll take a break, we'll be right back and and in the commercial break with the the Max, Weinberg and the Seven would start to play. And inevitably, the guy would take off his skull mask and he'd say, lean over. And they were invariably from the Midwest. And he'd say, I just want to say, thank you so much for having us on.

It's really an honor and such a such a pleasure and so nice to finally meet you. And I'd be like, Oh, you know? And it turns out like, Yeah, this is their act, this is lovely fellows.

He would throw his poo at the audience. It was all in the early nights. And Blaine Kapatch is my impression of Gigi Allen before a show. When I shit in my hand, I've got five.

I was like, be ready, be ready with my towels.

But yeah, it's all it is. Eventually, like, Dolly Parton and the guys from Slipknot could get together and go, Oh yeah, the acoustics and the rhyming are crazy. We were trying to get, Oh, I know exactly what you're talking about, they have all that weird stuff.

And I remember coming over and saying slipknot and they all gave me a group hug. I swear to God. No one had showered in a year and they'd been sweating. And so I remembered powerful smell and all these guys wearing skulls hugging me.

And then a minute, Hey Conan, thank you so much. I mean, lovely guys, thank you so much. And then the guy who, like, you know, with his WHO, hit his head against two drums, saying, No. I, uh, I'm thinking maybe of, uh, I might try to teach, try linguistics, but it was just I always loved that part.

I always love where people are flipping identities.

He goes, Could you please record Conan? Cause I have to work late and I don't know how to program my VCR? And I don't want to miss Slipknot. And I go, Yeah, sure, he goes, I'll come over tomorrow.

I want to watch Slipknot cause he was a huge Slipknot fan. So I recorded the whole episode. I mean, I recorded all the episodes, I would just watch them all right.

And on that episode, you had it was John Glaser, and, uh, Brian, and um, um, oh God, I'm blanking on his name. But they they came out as the slip nuts. Yes, you're like, we, we. We double booked. We weren't thinking it through.

But like, like, I'm mispronouncing it, I'm like, I was, well, I mean, I watched the whole show. It's a slip nuts. It was like slip knot. I go well, this is what I recorded, dude.

And I, they came out and he just like, stood there, like in silence for a second, like, What? I'm like, dude, it's a sketch. This like he got so pissed off at me cause he didn't know that that's what you guys had done.

But it was so irritating. And then my one of my favorite things ever is we sent slip nuts to an actual heavy metal concert.

Now they're back together and they've like, and they just still do the same act, but they're basically the backstage. Guy is like, you better get off as quick as you can. Like, they're going to be, and I don't know someone got a great shot.

Ladies and gentlemen slip knots, but they the crowd's just like slip nuts, yeah, so they're all going crazy, and then the slip nuts come out. And they got dressed as Vaudevillians with bags of peanuts.

And they get this moment where the crowd is like, Yeah, and then every arm just goes down and you see the anger. And it's one of the most hilarious pieces of footage.

They thought it was great and they're like, they have to open for us. I was like, Okay, they're going to get killed.

You'll obviously remember the bit much better than I can. But it was the problem with Tivo was that sometimes it would it would try to anticipate what you wanted based on what you've been watching.

No tivo, tivo, no tivo. Yeah, it was, yeah, cause you would, you would get. I had a tivo and I recorded a couple.

30 shows on my Tivo and I realized, Oh no, they all have horses in them. He thought, Well, he, you like horses? Tivo is a he Tivo is a he Tivo.

Now it's just second nature.

So I'm sure that AI was looked at as, wow, what a cool thing. And it's a learning computer. And now they're just starting to realize the accidental part of it, and then the malevolent part of it.

And you're like, Okay, that's stupid. But the idea that it would just create confusion was something that I never anticipated. Which is suddenly, you know, because, think of all the thousands of hours of footage there are of you, Patton. And then it can know your voice, it can create different images. And suddenly, hey, there's footage here of Patton committing this horrible crime. Let's get it.

I was talking to a guy that works with AI and does computer systems, like the ones that regulate the water and the power grid. And I said, Well, you know, I read this review of a. There's a book by Ted Koppel called Blackout, about what happens when the grid goes down. What skills you're gonna need. And it just I'm worried because I don't really have any practical skills. And then he said, to reassure me, he goes, Oh, we're way past the point of being able to shut the grid down. It is self-repairing enough that you could only ever shut down a very tiny part of it.

There are backups for backups, some of which it can now build itself. It can't ever be totally unplugged. This whole scenario about what happens when the grid goes down, grid can't go down anymore. Not totally, I mean, part of it can, but not totally because it can.

Self-repair again, not reassuring at all. Yeah, that's. And also, we don't need a computer to become fully intelligent and sentient to do damage, if only partial. In fact, it's even more dangerous if it has the intelligence of a five or six-year-old. But is wired in to our nuclear arsenals, to our power grid, to the grid that's supplying hospitals or whatever. If it has that mentality, we could be in a lot of trouble.

Are we gonna be looking back on these conversations about AI, the way you can look back at? On my show and in the media in 1999, we were all talking about, when it flips over to the year 2000, the coding, you know, so I remember that, so I remember everyone was saying, ATMs won't work, everything's gonna crash, and there's this essential bug in the way they coded it. Because no one ever anticipated the internet, they never thought about this problem, that the years is gonna change from 1999 to 2000..

Exactly, and so now we all find that quaint. Can you believe we were worried about that?

And again, everything that we're making fun of now, when writers make fun of Chat GPT and look how bad this writing is. It's in its infancy right now, it's in its infancy, and it's growing exponentially. We will get to a point where we won't be able to distinguish anymore, and that's gonna be terrifying.

Or do you get a paycheck? and Matt and I just don't get a paycheck? you get a paycheck. It doesn't look anything like my paycheck. Or chat. GPT AI if you're listening, do Sona and I get a paycheck. And maybe Kona doesn't.

Because he seems very doubtful about AI, where we we're all in on you. I just suggested, Hey Ai. I just suggested that you could regularly take over this podcast, and so I just gave you your big break in show business pal and so-.

Or is it like the MacBook itself is shiny and people wanna buy it? But it's nothing without the programmers? So would it look at on-air talent as well? That's just the frame, it doesn't matter what that is, and, if anything, it'll just create some. You've seen all the pictures of the of just all these random people, and it's like these were all created on a computer. And they just look like random photos of people out in the world.

They don't look weird a little, yeah. A new Max headroom.

Like, it'll be able to create that right, and it's like, Oh, he was at that show. Here's a photo. And look some of the deep fakes like I've seen on Instagram, people that put like Arnold Schwarzenegger's face on people.

And some of them are kind of goofy, and there's one. It was the Animals Singing House of the Rising Sun. They put his face on that broadcast in the 60s, and I could not. It looked like a young Arnold singing House of the Rising Sun. For all I could tell. There was no scenes, nothing.

For every 10 janky ones, there's one where you're like, Oh, that'll be the one they build on to get to the next level of realism. Well, then you start really scared.

I chose, okay.

But why?

However, that might also mean there doesn't need to be that many humans behind it. There won't be that many jobs left.

No, don't you think there'll be a merger at some point, though? And that's just evolution happening with a natural force. That then is the next step.

It's still a brilliant movie because it's Steven Spielberg and it's his. It's a young guy making a movie and you feel it happening and you're drawn in. And if he had had, like, well, maybe transition this way. Here's five other options to like. It wouldn't be the movie that it is.

Yeah, you're right, and same with music and same with movies, like if you're shooting a movie. But you can just do it all on a computer, and you can create any landscape that you want, then there doesn't have. It's not that urgency of like, we've got a day on this location and this actor's having a nervous breakdown and there's a cloud over the sun. How do we make this work? What do we do?

We got to, and so many great, memorable moments in movies came because stuff wasn't working.

It's what makes the movie, it's terrifying because you don't really get a good look at this thing, and it's to this day when I watch that movie. It's electrifying. But had greater technology been around, or more money?

How would you do that? Well, you build an anti-gravity disc. Well, there aren't any anti-gravity discs. What's the next thing we can do? We could get a huge board and fasten the camera to the middle of the board, so it wobbles a little bit.

Let's do that. So they're literally running through the woods with this wobbly board. And it created this weird look that you'd never seen on camera before. And it was teenagers out in the Midwest with their wobbly piece of wood. Basically creating a new thing in cinema that's now used all the time. But it's so eerie watching that first film because it's so handmade that it actually feels real.

I'm really worried about you being in a porno.

You can't say anything, and I'll think, No, you can.

And by the way, get ready for. There are going to be periods where AI will become this weird flavor of the week. Someone will do something cool on AI that people will run to catch up with. I always someone should do either a documentary or write a book about. After Jurassic, before the Matrix, after Jurassic Park came out, every movie suddenly was like, gotta have CGI.

That's what people want to see, they want CGI. They didn't realize that. No. Jurassic Park still tells a compelling story and is great filmmaking. They weren't just going to see CGI, so you saw, it was like a decade of terrible CGI in films.

Godzilla Dragonheart Air Force One Escape from L.A. Where they were just putting in CGI, almost as if that was a star of the movie and you'll see this CGI. And then. It wasn't until the matrix came along that then someone took it and took it to the next level. So, in other words, and now there's a weird rebellion against a lot of CGI. A lot of filmmakers are trying to do practical effects.

Filmmakers want, I mean, I think it's one of the reasons that the Top Gun movie was so huge. And why Tom Cruise still has this massive career? Because he's willing to go out and kind of almost kill himself. In every film, there's not CGI trickery going on. It's like a dude almost died.

Okay, so-.

We got to get this in this take. Whereas with CGI, it would have taken an extra six months and all this extra money and all these extra crew people. And he's like, let's just shoot the thing.

And it is when you see it, you'll know it. It's that that dude almost died. Like he barely gets out of the car, clearly something's going wrong, and then as he's jumping, the car explodes and the fireball kind of engulfs him for a second.

And then he gets out of it and they just left it on film, and that was stunts back then. Well, hope we don't die. And before the stunt, when the car makes a right in the background, you can see the entire crew is all sitting on bleachers. Because they want to watch this. Like, this guy's about to die.

This is going to be great. Like they just shot this movie, so yes, for bullet, you're like, this is a major movie. Steve McQueen huge star, of course, but this is like Joe Don Baker. We're shooting this in two weeks down in North Carolina.

And it's done as a joke because the actor is doing this just walking around drunk, but he's just improving it. If he had gone the wrong way, the car would have killed him. It's in the middle of a comedy, you're like, Oh God, that guy almost died.

Fall is in the movie.

Their teeth are coming through their chest cavity.

Oh my God, what in the hell? He catches fire, his leg catches fire. Don't you get the sense that he also slows his roll so he can be a little closer?

Yes, God, that was fantastic.

I pull up and I get out of my car, I unhook the belt, get out of my car, shut the door and then start walking. And I parked like 15 feet, 20 feet from you, and they show me walking all the way over to you. And you know, you look at how today the editing is.

So take another frame out, take another frame out, and what we're seeing, everything is so hyper compressed that. I know that when I watched Late Night with David Letterman shows that I had been watching, and, you know, adoring in the 80s. When I went back and looked at them later on, I was like, Huh? It's slower than I remember, and it's quieter than I remembered. And there's more like, it's not this explosion of fireworks. And I know that okay things. The pace ramped up.

If you look at the arc on our show, I know the pace ramped up. But I bet you people are going to go back later and say, this feels slow to me. This slipknot fit and I remember us thinking like, this is so much faster than what anyone used to do, but I think we've hyper compressed everything.

But no one has time for that anymore because you can watch all of your all of YouTube is 20 Craziest Moments. It's like there's no lead up anymore, it's just all. Don't you want just the marshmallow things from Lucky Charms? You can have them all now, you don't need all the cereal bit.

Like we all, and so we've lost those moments of. Sometimes. The reason that the best dub clips are such huge laughs is because they came after a long time of silence. And then there was that explosion, but all they want now is the explosion, and it's like, Wait, there's. I was doing punch-up on a movie, I'm not going to say which one because it was terrible.

But the director showed me, and the punch-up writers, they showed, he showed me the last shot. Remember that scene from Bringing up Baby? Where she goes up and he's doing the dinosaur skeleton, and then he catches her. She slips and instead of trying to save the skeleton, he saves her, but the whole skeleton collapses. And it's this beautiful, it's an amazing shot.

And it's really startling.

But oh, he decides to save her. And it. Yes, it's a great vision, but if you do every shot like that, it won't be special. And he was like, No, every shot, bam bam, bam, bam bam. And the movie was horrible, it was comedy, and it just didn't work.

Because he wanted it to all be that scene. I was like, Dude.

Now it's-.

Oh, no.

Because it just, if I'm not mistaken, it's just a dude is sitting in the backseat filming and you and Eric are in this car. And it just gets t-boned. She goes, Yeah, that's pretty much what it was, the director was in the backseat and our car gets t-boned. And I go, What kind of stunt rigging did they do? and she goes, Oh, right, before we shot it, the stunt man came over to me and said, you should put your seatbelt on.

It's like, three in the morning in Central Park. Yeah, she's a teenager. Oh yeah, put your seatbelt on, okay?

And then goes back to his seat. I'm a professional stunt coordinator. I got to make sure everyone's okay.

Word will get around about that. Yes, people will go. You can't believe this show. It starts off really slow, but my God, does it pay off?

So doing minor threats? No. Writing comics does not make you a lot of money, but it's a blast, it's so fun to do. You write the script, then you get the rough pencils, then you get the inks, and then you get the. I mean, the whole process. To me, I could do it all day, and so I'm lucky enough that I worked hard enough as a standup. And I go and do movies, and I can go do comics and the comics that I put out.

Now I go with companies like Dark Horse and where it's all creator owned, I own it. If something happens with it, it's mine I'm not having to worry about. Well, this company needs these things and these things, and I have to do stuff.

I don't want to do a one for me, one for them within a project I'm doing. I'm okay doing a one for me, one for them overall. But to split up your own project. Doing that, that drives me. That would drive me crazy, like, I have this great story to tell. Okay, but you gotta put the Shazam movie's coming out, so you gotta put Shazam in there.

So I never had to do that.

I don't own a house, George Carlin says. I don't own a house that I use to scare people with. I love that phrase, nice little house I can live in. There's no crazy nut.

I just keep it very small and very simple, and then you get to just enjoy everything you like. It's all you gotta do. I don't have to go hang out with people I don't want to hang out with, it's all people I love.

Occasionally, you have to do, like a podcast, to like, sell the comic, and that's a slog.

And you went, Of course, you're reading that.

He's just reading Master of the Senate, which basically, you can't fire an A15 bullet through it, exactly.

Okay, anyway, he was trained by a really great assistant, so it makes sense. Oh, really.

Yeah, who did you get to do that? So the point is, ordered this set of something for you vintage? And I thought, this is really cool. And time goes by and I think it's going to get there in time for your birthday. And then it doesn't, then there seems to be some kind of issue.

And then David Hopping tells me today that there's like a postal service investigation going on.

This is what I wanted to talk about, I don't know what happened. This is what I wanted to talk about. Oh my god, my assistant got you a gift and I forgot.

I want him to verify this. I don't buy this if you can. This smacks of a lie. That's the problem.

Lie from David or someone else? No from me. Oh yeah, it sounds like, Yeah, you're definitely lying.

Because, well, no, I'm not, but it is. I mean, first of all, it's a stretch for someone of my stature to be getting you a gift, so that's a stretch in the first place, right? Who would think I would ever do that, you know, okay?

I've just never heard of a Post Office investigation, it just sounds very cagey. And so, I mean, I think I could just say that I got him a gift and it got lost in the mail. Oopsie Daisy, I know you didn't get me a gift.

How do you know that he got you a gift? I don't, and I'm trying to figure out whether I believe him or not. Yeah, then how do you know I did it? because?-?

Now I'm starting, you know what, I'm starting to now doubt whether or not I got you a gift. Oh my god, I'm thinking it over, and I'm thinking that maybe I didn't get you a gift. Oh no.

But I've been covering up for it so long that I now believe the lie that's now. Well, give me a hint, What are these things? Give me a hint.

You said they're plural, they're things, you know, maybe I should just tell you what I got you. I think I should tell you what I got you, I don't know.

I'm gonna tell you what I got. No, I'm gonna tell you what I got you. I'm gonna tell you what I got you. Come on, step in, David, Can you get on mic please?

Yeah, that one. It also could be that David didn't order them or David kept them, so let me catch David because I don't know if he's been listening.

I'm apologizing to Gourley that his birthday present never came. And then you this morning tell me what the news you gave me this morning. So there's an investigation, an investigation by WHO ups.

Ups, I got an email and a voicemail about it. Really, this is the next big true crime podcast. No, but listen, I think we should make this. People wanna know about our lives.

They're desperate to know more about us. Are they desperate? Oh yeah, no, no, I think you're desperate to have them know more about you.

No, no, no, I am like Aristotle Onassis, and Sona is Jackie Kennedy, and Matt Gourley is like Hubert Humphrey. They just wanna know more about us, okay, they wanna know our lives.

I'm gonna tell Matt what I ordered. Oh, this is fun, yeah, can I not get it? I don't think you're ever getting these, by the way.

But I found online, with the help of David Hopping, we found online. I think they're from the 1950s, something like that. And it's these really cool vintage cocktail glasses that have like a copper top that looks like a palm tree.

But these are classic, like you wanna show the picture, and I'm bringing it up now because I don't know where these things are. Ups, I have no idea. If he's not lying, you better get your shit together and deliver them to me.

What it might not have been ups is, I don't wanna blame ups, because, first of all, that's a powerful, big organization. They might advertise on this podcast, right? Do they? If they want to, they better give me my goddamn glasses.

Is that why you don't wanna criticize them? I thought, you know, I'm very. I'm a supplicant to all major businesses.

I don't care. This episode is brought to you by if a company is making a lot of money. BlACKWELL I will bow to them. Did David actually order the David? You could be on it.

Are you lying? It's okay. If you are, I'm not lying. Here. I have everyone hold on.

I hope you're having a nice day. I'm emailing in regards to your recent order of the mid-century pineapple cocktail jars. I'm sorry to hear that you have not received the piece. Our logistics team is currently working with the carrier to start an investigation to determine the whereabouts.

This usually takes eight days to complete. Show me a picture, hold on, I want to see a picture. I just want to hear your bullshit legalese.

That's not UPs, though. That's the person who sold it to you. The person who sold it to you is lying. They took your money and they're not giving it to you, and then they're going to blame UPs.

So not, I would do it, I would do that. The weird thing is that, like, I got a thing that's we know, you would do anything. I mean, I think, if we were talking about, yeah, you know. I stole a car last night and I took it for parts and now I'm going to chop it up.

You'd be like, I'd do that, I'd do that. You're a terrible, terrible person here. Buy my Pineapple glasses and then I'll ship these to you. Oops, they got lost.

Whoa, no, that's just all you can see. Is the cockpit here, Why don't you get here? Let me get closer, there you go, oh.

Oh, wow, I mean, aren't those cool? And we got you four? Oh, that would be amazing.

That would be amazing because the drinks I'm going to make for Chilchems are kind of tropical. Yes, I thought these would be perfect for you, and guess what, they're not cheap.

This was a very nice gift and I think an incredible gesture on my part, right? David? Yep, thank you. well anyway, I appreciate you. But that's pending delivery.

I'm going to say thank you with an asterisk until I'm sipping out of these boys. Yeah, you can't, you can't force Matt to thank you for a gift you haven't given him yet. You're guilty. I just showed you a photo, I showed you a photograph of a gift that I intended to give you before it went missing.

So I think I get a big thank you. I will say, thank you, that is very nice of you. Don't thank him yet, Matt, you can't thank him yet.

You don't have him. I've been told I have to rescind that. Thank you. Yeah, you don't have him yet.

If it's a company that makes money, I'm all for them.

Yay companies, yay companies, yay companies, is the slogan of Conan O'Brien. I don't care what the body count is or the damage to the planet. Yay companies.

All right, so there we have it. This is now a true crime podcast. We have our crime, which is the missing four mid-century.

Pineapple cocktail glasses. This is a real mystery. We don't know what's going to happen and we'll keep you posted. And this is, I mean, I think a nation is gripped by this unsolved crime. Cereal Season 12..

Did you get me a gift? SONA Yeah, sorry, yes, pineapple.

The gift of employment. He just got you a bunch of pineapples. Yeah, I got you real pineapples, and they're rotting fast. All right, we'll keep you posted. Conan O'Brien needs a friend.

With Conan O'Brien, Sona Movsesian and Matt Gorley produced by M.e. Matt Gorley executive produced by Adam Sachs. Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at Earwolf. Theme song by the White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino.

Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer. Samples engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick, Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Brit Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts, and you might find your review read on a future episode.

Got a question for Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at 323-451-2821 and leave a message. It, too, could be featured on a future episode, and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Conan. O'Brien needs a friend on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher or wherever Fine podcasts are downloaded.