EP. 104 NORTH CAROLINA - The CONSENSUAL Murder of Sharon Lopatka

On the internet, you can truly be yourself. Let's say you make a fake account, an account that doesn't bear your true name, but bears your true desires. And through this anonymity, you can really express yourself, you can show the world who you really are. In the early days of the internet, you could even create and join anonymous spaces and communities using a pseudonym to represent who you were throughout all of your interactions. Back then, chat rooms were often the only forms of interaction for people as they navigated their way through the unregulated and mysterious world wide web.

And it was in those chat rooms where you could get to know people, have conversations about anything, and could talk freely without fear of being scrutinized or judged. And it was in these chat rooms, on forums and websites where anonymous users divulged their deepest, darkest, hidden secrets that they often kept from spouses, friends and family members. You see through anonymity, a person can tap into one's true self. Being completely anonymous is a way to explore how you feel on the inside, and you don't have to worry about how you're being perceived on the outside. That's the beauty of it.

But there are dangers that lie within, for example, while wearing that anonymous mask on the internet. People sometimes experiment with role-playing, meaning that they completely change their identity, and sometimes their entire personality. To make the person on the outside match who they are on the inside. In the early days, the internet was seen as a safe space to interact with people who shared the same ideas, beliefs and interests, even if they were taboo. And this, unfortunately, was the trap that 35-year-old Sharon Lopatka fell into in today's story. Sharon was a trusting person, a little too trusting, and it was this misplaced trust that would place her in an early grave.

This is the twisted story of the murder of Sharon Lopatka. I'm Colin Brown and you're listening to Murder in America.

It was October 13, 1996, and 35-year-old Sharon Lopatka had just arrived at her online lover's trailer. In North Carolina. The home of her internet lover was humble, a trailer on a parcel of wooded property. But Sharon, at the time, was excited to meet the quote-unquote man of her dreams, this man who she had traveled all the way from Baltimore to North Carolina to meet. Robert. Glass, who was in his late 40s, had promised to fulfill all of her sexual needs while they chatted on the internet. And allegedly, he would go on to indeed fill her needs.

Over the course of three days, from October 13 to October 16, 1996, Robert pleasured Sharon in ways she never thought were possible. They pushed the limits of a sexual relationship, severed the ties of societal norms, and went beyond what was acceptable. You see, Robert and Sharon's relationship had started in a chat room on the internet. A relatively new space at the time, and had quickly evolved into something more tangible, something more real. In just a moment, the relationship had turned from empty words and promises into real-world actions and consequences. But sadly, something was amiss, and at the end of those three days of pleasure, Sharon would wind up dead.

And her husband, back in Maryland, would soon be looking for her.

Know that I'm at peace. Obviously. This was very alarming, so Victor immediately went to the police to file a missing persons report. The police department in Hampstead, Maryland, where the couple lived, had recently created a new department called the Computer Crime Unit. And on that same day that Victor discovered the note, the department was told to search Sharon's computer for information on her whereabouts.

And after a short search, they found substantial evidence linking her to a man in North Carolina named Bobby Glass. Victor was shocked he had never heard of a man named Bobby Glass, and he knew his partner to be very loyal. He would have never suspected that Sharon was cheating on him. But immediately, the local police in North Carolina were alerted and they sent out officers to surveil Bobby Glass's trailer.

They hoped that in doing this, they would find Sharon. Police captain Danny Barlow would later say during the stakeout that Bobby kept up his usual routine and he moved about as if nothing happened.

When authorities arrived at Bobby Glass's decrepit turquoise trailer, they noted that the lawn was unkempt and covered with garbage and abandoned toys. Needing more evidence, the authorities entered Bobby's trailer and were disgusted for. The inside of the home was just as cluttered and filthy as the outside inside of the trailer. Police recovered personal items that belonged to Sharon Lopatka, dirty bondage paraphernalia, child pornography, various drugs and a .357 Magnum pistol. Over the course of that afternoon, authorities removed multiple boxes from the home filled with over a thousand computer disks, magazines, videotapes and even a Cybermax computer. But it was only when they searched the exterior of the home that, unfortunately, they would discover what they were looking for.

While wandering around outside in the yard, a group of officers spotted a fresh mound of dirt located 75 feet from the trailer near a child's swing. Set off a path that Bobby had created to help him dispose of and burn his trash. Immediately. This pile of fresh dirt was suspicious, and police went to work to uncover what Bobby had recently buried in the yard. Sadly, they wouldn't have to dig deep to find what they were looking for. After a few minutes of digging, authorities unearthed Sharon Lopatka's decomposing corpse, buried only two and a half feet underneath the pile of fresh soil. A man named D..A.

Brown, a Caldwell County investigator, would later tell The Washington Post.

On that fateful day, Sharon's body was found with her wrists and ankles bound with rope. There was a rope around her neck and she had abrasions to her neck and breasts.

He had simply put his hands behind his back, hung his head, maintained his composure and cooperated with the authorities later on. D..A. Brown, the man that made the arrest, would state that at the time, Bobby Glass had acted. Quote. And the day after his arrest, on October 26, 1996, the Government Center fired Bobby and immediately removed his picture from the company's website. But there were still so many questions. How did Sharon, a married woman from Baltimore, Maryland, end up outside of a man's trailer in North Carolina, brutally murdered?

Wait, what secret internet vices? But Sherry told them that she knew the truth, she said.

Magazines that never bothered her, just as long as the kids didn't find them. But what she had found on his chat logs was something that had deeply disturbed her. These logs, in fact, were so disturbing that she refused to even revisit them in her own mind. But eventually, after ruminating on the fact that her estranged husband was now accused of murdering an innocent woman, she decided to divulge this information to the police.

I quoted something he had said on the chat session, and all of the color drained out of his face. He knew then that I knew, I guess he underestimated my abilities on the computer. I've been confused by this.

He's such a nice, gentle person. If he did do it, I really can't see him doing something like that, killing someone or meaning to, even after all, I read. But there's a side to him.

A side of him that I don't know. End quote. While Bobby sat in jail awaiting for his trial, his only sibling, a sister named Joanne, said that she was in disbelief after hearing her brother had been charged with murder. She would later say quote I don't consider my brother an animal, and I don't consider him violent.

If my brother did anything, that's between him and God. End quote. After his arrest, Bobby's father-in-law, Fred Harless, was quoted, stating that Bobby was one of the nicest men he had ever met. In an interview with The Baltimore Sun, Harless even stated that Bobby had paid two mortgage payments for him when he was strapped for cash.

The respectful thing to do would be to leave us alone. This is a tragedy, nothing more and nothing less. End quote. But it was in the police interrogation rooms behind the scenes where everything changed.

After Bobby was arrested, he spoke to the police about what happened during the time Sharon stayed in his trailer. He said that he and Sharon engaged in rough sex and had consensually acted out several dark fantasies. And that he had used random objects from around the home to probe her and sexually penetrate her, all while she was tied up. But, according to Bobby, Sharon had allowed him to do all of these things, and she had even asked him to use a rope to choke her out during sex. At one point during the intercourse, Sharon had even told Bobby to tighten the rope as she climaxed, which is a known thing that people do, according to Bobby. During one session, he accidentally tightened the rope too much and he ended up strangling her.

He would later say quote I don't know how much I pulled the rope. I never wanted to kill her, but she ended up dead end quote. It was shortly after this confession, after the computer data was retrieved from both Bobby and Sharon's computers, when the full truth of this twisted situation came to light.

The couple would go on to have three more daughters after Sharon and would raise their family in the Beth Tfiloh Congregation in Baltimore, Maryland, the largest synagogue in the United States. Sharon's father, Abraham, was a deeply religious man and a cantor at their synagogue, who led songs and chanted prayers to the congregation. With a family who was so deeply invested in their faith, Sharon had a very normal childhood and was known to have a lot of friends. She attended Pikesville High School in Maryland, where she participated in field hockey and volleyball. She was also a member of the school's choir club and really enjoyed singing and expressing herself.

During her junior and senior year, Sharon had been a library aide and a nurse's aide. If anything, Sharon was an active young woman with a promising future. Nothing had ever seemed to miss. In fact, former classmates of Sharon's would even describe her as as normal as you can get. A former classmate of hers, Steve Hyman, even said she wasn't an outcast or anything of that nature.

I think making her this weird loner is just some media thing. Upon her graduation in 1979, Sharon held a variety of jobs, which even included a stint as a clerk in an F.B.I. fingerprint lab. A job that she stayed at for 18 months. In 1991, when she was 29 years old, Sharon met a man named Victor Lopatka, a construction supervisor and a Catholic from Ellicott City, a nearby community in Maryland. Eventually, the two would marry, but Sharon's parents were never supportive of the relationship because Sharon had quit Judaism and converted to Catholicism. In fact, instead of celebrating this marriage, Sharon's parents, the Denbergs, considered it to be more of an embarrassment.

A close friend of Sharon's, Sarah Weinberg, would later say that marrying Victor was a way to break free from her conventional lifestyle. She needed something in her life, a way to break away from her conservative upbringing, a way for her to, as an adult, rebel against her parents.

One business she created was called Classified Concepts. To make money, she would rewrite ad copies and send them back to advertisers for $50 an advertisement. It was a small hustle, but she made it work. Another website she created was called House of Dion, which was basically home decorating tips that she would mail out for $7. An advertisement for the business at the time read Quote Home decorating secrets seen in the posh homes from the New England states to the Hollywood homes that can now be yours.

Never published before. Quick, Easy Ways to Decorate Your Home End quote. Eventually, Sharon would befriend a neighbor named Diane Safar, and the two would go on to create another business. Their new endeavor revolved around a 30-page booklet that they created, titled Quote Dion's Secrets of Home Decorating Guide, which advertised country crafts and home decorating tips.

Diane would later say that the two had small success with the booklet, selling it to local churches and ladies groups. She would later say. Quote Here. We were decorating our houses one day and talking to each other for advice, and we just said, Hey, we should put this stuff in a book. It was fun. End quote.

For a while, Sharon was making money using the internet to her advantage and bringing in funds for she and her husband, Victor, to save and invest. But a few years into the marriage, Sharon's internet use started to dive down a darker path. Eventually, and secretly, she created an alter internet ego that she nicknamed Nancy Carlson. Using this fake name, Sharon began to market graphic pornographic material that depicted women being drugged, chloroformed and hypnotized until they were unconscious.

In the content that she marketed, once they were unconscious, various sex acts would be performed on these women while they were being videoed and photographed. Sharon also started selling her used underwear under the pseudonym of Nancy Carlson. And her first post was made to an open forum frequented by those interested in sexual erotica. On the forum, Nancy's advertisement read.

I'm very serious about this. If you are serious, too, send me an email.

I don't want to break up any marriages, so if you're married, please don't respond to this post.

But they hardly ever saw Sharon. One neighbor, Beth Long, a registered nurse, even said Quote I never saw her at all. She could have been a patient at the hospital, and I wouldn't have ever known she was my neighbor. End quote. The people that lived around them also said that she and Victor didn't participate in neighborhood activities and they never had any interest in getting to know them.

They did note, however, that during Halloween, their family would give out full-sized candy bars, possibly to make up for the fact that they never came around from the outside. Looking in, the couple was shy and introverted, but they also seemed pretty normal. But in reality, Sharon was actively typing away on her computer, selling sex and looking for a man to fulfill her darkest fantasies. Eventually, she became a regular visitor on websites like Fetishfeet..com and Sexbondage..com. And she would enter these chat rooms and ask around for someone who might be interested in sexual torture and murder.

On that fateful day, when Sharon saw his internet profile, she immediately became infatuated. Slow Hand's profile said that he was born on Valentine's Day and that he was a good lover. Bobby, on his profile, also stated that he was into various deviant sexual behaviors and that really turned Sharon on. Some of these behaviors included sadomasochism. Sadomasochism is a mixture of two behaviors sadism and masochism, and it can be grouped into a category of sexual problems called paraphilias.

Sexual masochists like to be subjected to humiliation, beatings and verbal abuse in order to achieve an orgasm. Think typical DOM sub-behavior. You beat someone down, spit on them, tell them that they're worse than nothing. That's what a masochist craves. Sometimes the masochist will be bound and gagged and engage in sexual activities like bondage, simulated rape and spankings.

Sharon, in this situation, was a masochist. On the other hand, sadists are people who achieve climax through inflicting physical or psychological pain and suffering on their sexual partner. Think of someone who gets off to slapping, raping or torturing others. That's who Bobby Glass, or Slow Hand, stated that he was a masochist Sharon and a sadist, Bobby.

So sexually, they were the perfect match.

Bobby was your typical All-American guy from the outside looking in, no issues with friends, no issues with family, just a true average Joe. At the time, Bobby and his wife Sherry had been married for 14 years and together they had had three children. Sherry would later say that Bobby's passion was computers and that he spent most of his time at home, away from family. In order to spend more time on the internet. But seeing as the internet was such a new, exciting thing back then, in 1996, it really wasn't that suspicious.

It was just the thing to be on the internet. But according to Sherry, Bobby's wife, she knew that something was up almost immediately. At the time. Sherry had a gut feeling that Bobby was talking to other women on the internet, and she knew that she needed to do something. He had been neglecting his responsibilities, both with work and his family, for months, and one day, she decided to go through his computer to see what was up. While searching, she discovered multiple emails exchanged between her husband and other women, most of which she would describe as quote raw, violent and inappropriate end quote.

Emails that Bobby had sent under pseudonyms such as Slow Hand and Toy Man, Sherry ultimately confronted her husband about these messages. But he didn't have much to say in his defense.

Intrigued after reading this message, Bobby sent Sharon a message, and over the next six weeks, the two would exchange almost 900 graphic sexual emails. Police would later say that when the chat logs and messages were printed out, they totaled just over 870 pages, police captain Danny Barlow would later say.

Bobby, when writing to Sharon, would describe a slow sexual torture that would ultimately lead to Sharon's strangulation and death. These messages are apparently so graphic, so obscene that they have never been released to the public. We tried for hours to find any sort of text from these emails, but it doesn't exist online, so it just speaks to how disturbing these messages must have been.

Keep in mind that the entire time that Sharon was selling sex videos online, begging strangers to force feed her and sexually fantasizing about her own murder. Her husband, Victor, was blissfully unaware there was nothing that would have led him to believe that his wife, Sharon was secretly. Nancy Carlson. The sexual deviant willing to let any man strangle, rape and kill her at the blink of an eye. Eventually, though, some desires jump from the screen to the real world, and this leads us back to October 1996 in North Carolina.

Bobby's father had helped bring a fire station and an ambulance service to the community to make it a better place for people to live and work. He cared for the town and for the people who lived there. Ironically, Bobby's decrepit, rotting trailer sat less than a mile away from his father's mansion, just a little bit further down on Glass Road, at the time of the murder. The Glass family's once beautiful mansion, with large wooden shutters engraved with the letter G, sat abandoned and in a state of ruin. And each morning, Bobby would drive past his childhood home on his way to the government job, which was about 40 miles away.

Bobby chose to live the simple life out of the way of other people. And he spent most of his time browsing fetish websites and engaging in disturbing, anonymous sexual conversations. To many people that knew him, he loved music, photography and model railroads. On his AOL account, he wrote Quote Moderation in all things, including moderation. But behind closed doors, Bobby was a monster.

It was finally time to live out her deepest, and most certainly darkest sexual desires. She wasn't on her way to Georgia to see friends, she was on her way to North Carolina to see her online boyfriend. A man that had promised her that he would torture and kill her. So, at 9.15am, Sharon boarded the train to her final destination with the hope and determination that Slow Hand could fulfill all of her desires and that he would.

45pm, having traveled over 400 miles to meet her internet lover Slow hand. On that evening, Bobby drove to the train station in his pickup truck and he picked up Sharon at around 9pm, arriving just on time. Like a gentleman. On that fateful night. The two would leave the city of Charlotte and head right towards rural Caldwell County, nearly 80 miles away where Bobby's old, run-down turquoise trailer was located. And this is where the story starts to get a little blurry. To this day, nobody knows exactly what happened between Bobby Glass and Sharon Lopatka in the three days between October 13th and October 16th.

According to the autopsy reports, Sharon's body wasn't bruised or beaten before her death. So it's unknown if the extreme torture portion of her fantasy was ever fulfilled. But what is known is that she was eventually murdered. After being strangled by Bobby Glass on October 16th, 1996, and afterwards, he buried her body outside of his trailer. Now, everyone can have their theories on what happened, but no one really knows, even though Bobby claimed that the murder was an accident. According to all of the previous chat logs and all of the evidence, it wasn't.

But still, Sharon had shown up that day with the express desire to be murdered. So in the end, we will truly never know what really happened, making this one of the most bizarre cases we've ever heard of.

At the time, back in 1996, many people were speculating that Sharon's marriage to Victor was an unhappy one. That her size and weight led to her having a deep depression. And they believed that there were other factors that may have led Sharon to want to self-harm. But friends who knew her said she wasn't depressed, Diane Safer, her neighbor and former business partner, told the Baltimore Sun Quote.

After Sharon's murder, the online BDSM community was also having a hard time dealing with the news. On the public message board for alt-sex bondage, one member spoke out about the news coverage regarding their lifestyle. That she found someone to do it under the guise of bondage or sadomasochism is going to be the rallying cry of those who condemn our lifestyle. Another member, sex educator Nancy Ava Miller, said the community was trying to distance themselves from the consensual death of Sharon. I don't know what they were doing, but it wasn't S&m, she was quoted as saying.

However, another member of the alt-sex group where the couple met, a member named Pero Loco, said he interacted with Bobby and believed he was a compassionate man but simply not smart in his endeavors, Pero was quoted as saying He's a compassionate man, but was unfortunately stupid for not insisting that Sharon Lady L bring her hard disk with her for him to wipe, not to mention that he should have taken her somewhere safer to do her.

According to Captain Barlow, the emails exchanged between Slow Hand and Nancy Carlson, aka Bobby Glass and Sharon Lipatka graphically stated that their plans were that Bobby would deliberately torture and kill Sharon. And this proved that the murder was premeditated. So, at the time, Bobby was facing a first-degree murder charge and his bond was denied. After the news of this murder broke and the details relate to the media, the sensationalism surrounding the case grew so large that Judge Beal even issued a gag order to everyone involved who was working on the case. You have to imagine that this was one of the first, if not the first, murder case involving emails and the internet. Of course, the media wanted to report on it, and boy would they.

Fantasies? The case was so influential that it even spawned new psychological studies and terms. You see, it was around this time that the term Mardi Gras phenomenon was coined by psychologists as a term to describe people who use the internet to mask their true identity by hiding behind a computer screen. The publicity surrounding Sharon's case also gave rise to a movement within the field of psychology that attempted to help doctors and researchers better understand deviant sexual behaviors like masochism, sadism and asphyxia. If you don't know, asphyxia is a form of sex play practiced by sadomasochists and many others, in which a sexual partner is strangled. To decrease oxygen to the brain, which can intensify an orgasm.

In fact, the term derived from sexual strangulation is called asphyxiaphilia. However, obviously, engaging in such risky sexual behavior can result in accidental death due to asphyxia. According to the BDSM community, exploring and engaging in asphyxia during sex is considered. Edge play. Edge play is trusting another person with your life, and the thrill comes from the danger and vulnerability a person feels during the activity. Asphyxia can be practiced safely, but as with anything in life that's dangerous, there can always be consequences.

There are numerous theories that suggest why a person might want to explore and participate in deviant sexual behavior. Theories that deal with childhood trauma and all other sorts of things. But there's absolutely no evidence that either Bobby or Sharon suffered from any trauma in their childhood or had any abnormal sexual experiences. It remains unknown to this day what drove a seemingly normal woman, a normal, devoted wife, to consent to her own torture and murder.

Were they truly living out their dark sexual fantasies? Did he torture her in creative ways, or were they just hanging around the house until she was eventually murdered? Nobody knows. Bobby's attorney, Neil Beach, would later say that the autopsy findings matched what really happened.

Sharon's death was accidental.

As for the child porn charges, Bobby was sentenced to an additional 21 to 26 months, according to an article in the Baltimore Sun, Bobby received a shorter sentence because he didn't have a criminal record. He also received credit for the months served while he was incarcerated, waiting for his sentencing. So, due to his clean record and the time served. At the end of it all, Bobby would only have to stay in prison for another 27 months, a little over two years after Bobby was found guilty. Sharon's husband, Victor, would state that he and the rest of her family just wanted the matter to end.

He also said that he was certain Bobby wasn't telling the truth.

He was very interested in computers, that was his job. From the information we had here, he was a very intelligent man, he never had any trouble in prison or custody. Nothing that we heard about just two weeks before his scheduled release on February 20, 2002. Bobby Glass was found dead in his prison cell at the Avery Mitchell Correctional Facility in Spruce Pine, North Carolina, from an apparent heart attack and was pronounced dead at 1.30 a.m.

At a local hospital, he was 51 years old at the time of his death. As we stated earlier, the case of Sharon Lipatka would be the first case where a suspect was arrested. Based on email messages and internet activity in 1996, the internet was still in its infancy, with the rise of chat rooms, websites and email messages. It really was the wild, wild, unregulated West.

And when looking at the facts of the case itself, it seems that this would be an isolated incident of consensual homicide. But nearly five years later, Germany would be horrified by the tale of Armin Muis. Armin Muis would be sentenced to life in prison after meeting his victim, Bern Brandt, on an online forum titled Cannibal Cafe. Over the span of a few following days, Armin would cook and eat parts of his willing victim after the two exchanged sexual messages over the internet.

Bern, in fact, had told Armin that he was willing to be murdered and cannibalized for sexual gratification, and that's exactly what eventually happened. During Armin's eventual trial, the court shared the email exchange between the two men. Here's that from Bern Brandt.

In response, a message from Armin read.

Surprisingly, in this day and age, there are now more cases of consensual homicide than there were back then, although it is extremely rare.

It says quote Early psychologists viewed BDSM-related interest as pathological, leading many in the kink community to feel intense shame about their desires. Today, however, many researchers and clinicians acknowledge that BDSM can be part of a healthy sexual expression. However, if the interest and behaviors involve non-consenting parties or cause the individual distress, they may indicate a mental health disorder. End quote and the desire to engage in BDSM behaviors is quite common.

According to statistics, nearly 30 of couples have tried spanking in the bedroom and 25 have tried dominant-submissive roleplay. People who practice BDSM report that the benefits include a deeper sense of trust that comes from setting boundaries. And it gives a feeling of emotional safety that comes through communication. And this communication is all about what will and will not be permitted in the bedroom. As a result, relationships that include BDSM usually have better sexual communication than couples that don't. So there is absolutely no kink shaming here at Murder in America, and if you're two consenting adults, then it's perfectly okay.

But clearly, this situation is on a whole different level. And it's dangerous if a person is so deeply ingrained with their fetish that they have a desire to end someone's life or their own. The mystery surrounding.

The last two posts she ever wrote on the internet were regarding the videos she tried to sell in those posts, Sharon wrote.

And to her family and friends, it was a complete shock to find out her secret life. A former neighbor, Deborah Walker, said that everyone who knew Sharon believed she was a normal, work-from-home wife. The suburb of Hampstead, Maryland, after all, is your typical All-American town, a resident of Hampstead was quoted saying. I guess some people have some kind of inner thing going on that you just never know about. I think we all knew them as well as anyone in the neighborhood.

She was just like anyone else, and that kind of scares me in a way, to think you never really know somebody.".

So what do you think, was Sharon Lopatka's death an unintentional murder, was it a straight-up homicide? Or did she finally reach that level of pleasure that she obviously craved, day in and day out? That's a question to which I think we'll never have an answer.

But just always keep one eye open, because you never know what your friend, husband, wife or child is searching on the internet the moment that you step out of the room.

Hey everybody, it's Colin here. Thank you for listening to this week's new episode of Murder in America. This is a case that I personally wanted to cover Courtney, and I had never heard of it before. I was researching consensual homicide because I think it's such a strange concept.

And I felt like no one's really talking about this case. And it was really interesting to kind of dive deep in and figure out what exactly happened in that trailer. But I want to shout out our new patrons this week Kate Brianna Raposo, Jimmy Rogers, Easton Raines, Carlos Maya, Trayna Dilbeck, Tony Milnes, Jen Blocker, Amila Gordon, Cynthia, Vanessa Gill, Alizia Quarles, Cheyenne, Rick Holywinko, Rachel Womble, Colleen Barishfam, Kiara Renty, Zerick Collins, Hunter Boyce, Monica Rodriguez, Jenna Hohmeyer and Lexi Ford. Oh my gosh, every single week, guys.

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